But last night she called (she had been drinking) the kids were with me and she didn't have her D either. so she talked for a couple of hours. Mostly inane banter. But she finally started talking about the R. She had asked me why I loved her; so I read her my reasons. I say "read" because she wanted us to have that ready before MC as if the counselor would ask us for it. Anyway she started crying and said that I needed to pack the kids up and bring all of us to her house. I said, "No, the kids are asleep." "Well, I'm coming over there. I miss you guys."
So I take this as a sign of her fear of abandonment. I don't sense any seriousness to it; except to get what she needs out of it.
So, I've been trying to save my M; what if I can't fully commit now? She seems to be coming around little by little; but I'm not sure that I want HER. I still don't want my family to broken; but I'm not sure that SHE is WHO I want.
I know since you've been at this for a while that you set some long term goals and some indicators as to when those will be met.
How can you tell if she has committed? What will she be doing?
Calling you when she's drunk and lonely?
I don't know what the answer is either. The boundaries need to stay until those signs of commitment happen. I;m sure it felt good she was reaching out and showed some sign of the woman you've been hoping will show up. Just keep your wits about you
I had some movement in my sitch over the weekend too.
grit
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
So more rubber to the road so to speak... Tonight she wanted us and our kids to go 30 minutes into town to shop. Then 30 min back to her house...then I watch the kids while she picks up the baby from baby daddy.
I told her that it was crazy to waste all that gas. Cause the kid exchange was back in town where we were just at. She asked if I was ready for meeting baby daddy. I told her that it was up to her. She's agreed so far. But we are still shopping....
Let's see if she's got the stomach for kid exchange with me around....hehehe
According to the W, baby daddy didn't want to deal with me; so she has to go in the morning to get her.
I'm telling the W tomorrow that she needs to get this sitch with him solved or I see NO need for us to continue to pretend to be putting it back together. I will cease any MC as well.
I went to the MC today alone so she could get a feel for where I stand. I told her that I'm good for trying the to repair the M if the W is 100% willing. The W also has to be figuring out what she needs to do for me to ask her back to the house. Tomorrow she meets with W alone to gauge her intentions. On Wed. the MC told me to call her and she will give me an assessment on whether or not I need to continue. MC doesn't see a need to do MC unless both parties are 100% committed.
This will be my last update in Infidelity. I'm trying to decide if I'll pick up my Surviving thread or not.
But baby daddy and I passed at the W's house on Saturday. He wouldn't even look at me. His father nodded Hi though. I hear he's a real nice man who's W also put him through the ringer for 7 years; but they're still together.
But I digress..W decided that she wouldn't be transparent. She would not live a life that way. That this was the best. I can't stop her and, really, I do believe it's better for my own health and sanity. I've learned a lot about myself in this process. DB has shown me what I NEED to be a MAN and happy with myself. I don't have to be codependent and will NOT be in my next R; whenever that my occur. It's time to take a breather from relationships and focus even more on ME. Church, the kids, and my male friends are now my focus.
I realize that I still have a lot of work to do...Why does a man, who has been cheated on multiple times, his W drinking to excess, lying, and having a kid from someone else; really want that woman in his life as his W? Something I really have to find out and let go of.
So the next part of my journey starts. I'm scared and excited at the same time. I have met some really wonderful people and have been enjoying life without my W. It's just sad that it will go down like this. I've prayed about it and the answer I get is, "Acknowledge your fear; but fear not, I will be taken care of."
Why does a man, who has been cheated on multiple times, his W drinking to excess, lying, and having a kid from someone else; really want that woman in his life as his W? Something I really have to find out and let go of.
MC you tell me and we'll both know why we do it. I don't even have kids. Man I wish you the best. You are a better man for this process. I already know that's why we're here. Through this pain we will grow. Keep praying there are blessing here for you my friend. Let me know where you post so I can keep track of you.
Grit
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
When Allen advises against separation....LISTEN!!!
I firmly believe that while my separation allowed me to detach quicker and easier. It also worked against me; because the W got that taste of independence and really could not let go of that.
