I am sure it is all in the process to feel those feelings and to work through them with H in a nonjudgemental way. You need answers and after everything you definitely deserve them.
I understand the feeling of wondering having H there and wondering why he couldn't do that sooner. I am sure after as long as he had been gone, it is weird to incorporate him especially because he is being at home even more than he used to. All change and growing and growing hurts. So you will have times where you feel down, but make sure if H asks don't just say you are ok. If you don't feel like talking, let him know you are upset, but you don't feel like talking about it right then. Maybe that will give him the opportunity to reassure you and show some love.
Have a good week and I will be thinking of you and your family as your dad starts his treatments.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
You might want to wait a little on the "talk". Just my opinion of course....maybe till after Greece gets eliminated from the world cup. I know your husband is a smart guy. He realizes he has nothing to gain and everything to lose in a conversation about his affair. I doubt he can say anything about it that can make you feel better...there is NOTHING "normal" about this type of discussion. Not with him...maybe between you and a councellor to help you overcome some feelings.....maybe in the future when things are more stable...maybe I do not know what I am talking about.... The feelings and thoughts you have on a recurring basis may be more than normal....but they are YOURS. You have to deal with them and try to minimize their effect on you and on your relationship today.
No reason to hide it when you are down. Let it out a litle, not full blown yet. If you let it all go I am afraid the dam would break and then there would be mass confusion and frustration!
Hang in there. How are your parents?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree that it's better to be honest about your feelings even if you don't want to talk about it then: "I'm feeling sad right now but it's not a good time for me to talk about it".
About the "line" of your R...I can see how hard that would be. Personally, if I was ever lucky enough to be in piecing, I would want to have the chapters of our M marked in an intentional way (between H and I). It might look the same from the outside, but I would want H and I to have a private acknowledgement of the "chapter breaks" together. There is a reason that people have weddings...it's a ritual that expresses a very strong intention and commitment. When that intention/commitment has been broken, I feel that some kind of marking of re-commitment would be called for eventually.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Technically speaking, Michele breaks DBing down into 4 stages. And the 4th stage is recommitment.
Many people renew their vows. Take a great romantic second honeymoon. Whatever works for the couple.
I understand about getting things out in the open. I understand about drawing the lines.
I'm more worried about questions that compare Maria to the OW, that compound her H's guilt, that will make him feel like he can never fix it and withdraw.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I'm more worried about questions that compare Maria to the OW, that compound her H's guilt, that will make him feel like he can never fix it and withdraw.
I agree.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
