Question

[awest1217]

No, I didn't decide to marry him until we were both in college, when we were both 21. However all during the dating phase there was always someone else in the picture besides me. Then when we got engaged I thought that would end, just to find out his 5th year of college there was another girl he was "falling for", plus the very first girl he ever "cheated" on me with when we were dating reaccured. Then the Thursday before we got married I got an annonymous letter in the mail to our apartment saying how my H would always love this other girl and some other stuff. I almost cancelled the wedding then, but the girls who went to school with H and were in the wedding assured me this was just a prank from the marching band and that H has always be faithful to me (later to find out one of those girls knew H liked someone else while we were engaged). Then since we have been married, I would find strange texts or e-mails and many times almost left him before S, but H always said he had a problem and wanted to fix it because he loved me and wanted to be with me. This latest OW is the first one that he left me for. He always kept on going with the others, but always behind my back. Never in the open and he never left me, but he says before he never had the opportunity to because he was living with his parents and did not have the money. He said this might have happened the other times, if he had the means (He said this probably 6 months ago).

So yes I know I need to get out from under him because ultimately he has been controlling and emotionally abusing me for years. I honestly have been exhibiting classic battered wife syndrome for a very long time, but now the complication is S. For him I know I need to get away from H because I don't want S to learn from H these behaviors, but I definitely need to figure out how to help S. He is really concerning me. People who say kids are resilient, especially when they are younger have never seen what happens to a kid going through this. S has been very aggressive at school and it has been escalating since January. He won't sleep in his own bed. He wouldn't let me buy him new shoes because "daddy bought him" his old shoes. It is all very sad. I sent H a text after S had a particularly rough night last night that as soon as he gets back, we need to meet to talk about S. I am not going to discuss S's issues over the phone or e-mail so I told him we need to meet. S needs a father figure full time or not at all (full time meaning H agrees to a set visitation). I have my brother and many guys at church who have tried to get close to S and are close with S, but it isn't the same. It just tears my heart up knowing S needs help, but he doesn't know how to say it. He is so angry all the time now. Does anyone know the youngest a therapist will see a child? I am seriously looking into getting him in with someone, but I want to talk to H first so he knows what is going on because I want to be the good parent and not keep H from S so we do need to agree.

Anyway that is all for now. I am hanging on. Very tired with the time change and being at the hospital all day yesterday, but only 2.5 weeks until spring break!