Do not feel like you are abandoning your husband. Yes, he probably has depression but he is still capable of making correct choices to get help for himself if he decides to. It sounds like he has his mother and you tiptoing around him and his tantrums. If he comes out of this but never acknowledges this was at least in part a mood problem that could strike again and develops a plan for what he will do next time except self-medicate it with the adrenaline of an affair, you should seriously consider NOT taking him back. It will happen again. He needs not just to want reconciliation but to be willing to get a bit of self-knowledge and an action plan for his future mood and behavior control. You are willing to work on your own faults and behaviors, and so must he be. The relationship is made up not just of relationship problems, but also of two people's separate issues that must be worked on individually.
