latest update" saturdays are d 2.5 soccer practice, h didn't make it ontime to take her or for me to go and he watch newborn son. so he just took d2.5 to park, asked me and son to go but his phone rang and one question was asked. "where are you/ immediately he told who ever called where he was and who he was with.
it made me feel like crap so i just took son and i into the house and said we are going to pass, have fun and closed the door.
h came inside asked if i was sure, i said yep, he asked what's wrong and i lied and said nothing.
y does it bother me that everyone else gets to know where and who he is with but me.. i'v enever been in the fav five to know who and where he is even when we are together.
my phone has been messed up for a few days which im sure h loves since i can't really text him and lets him off the hook of everything.
so they came back from park and brought food, h had to leave quickly to get to work(he won't share where he works or anything about it to me)d2.5 again was upset, she is everytime he leaves since she has no idea when she's gonna see him again, it could be the next day or weeks from now.
the next day i sent msg via internet to h, i don't remmeber exactly but something to the effect of daughter being upset, not wanting to bust him for stuff, that i wrongly expect him to be here with kids when he's not working, that i'm frustrated, this was not what i signed up for raising these 2 kids on my own and it was not working for me. etc.
he sends msg back that it killed him to leave daughter to go to work....
i just sent a msg to him saying i've done some soul searching over the past 2 days and thinking and came to some decisions and choices. i haven't but wish i could.
i can not get over expecting him to be a father to these kids.
each day and night 24/7 i am with both kids with no breathing room at all. if one's a sleep the other is up or crying. i do manage to get a shower and eat, somewhat do laundry and try to keep house neat but i gotta tell you it's hard especially doing it all on my own.
i don't want to resent h for not being here raising these kids or even helping me but it's really hard not to. he can lay down and make them with me but can't wont do the hard work.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
