New to this Community seeking advice

[JR09]

Michelle, Carlos, and whoever else wants to advise,

I called the boys today to keep up with my calling schedule. Had a good chat with my S12 who was sick. I then ask to speak to my W. After asking her how she was doing, here is the gist of the conversation:

Me: So,W,what are you thoughts about my moving closer to the boys after I leave active duty in the next 6 months?
W: I'd rather you stay as far away as possible.
Me: So You don't want me to move closer to the boys?
W: I'd rather not.
Me: I really would like to be close to them and see them more often. I think I haven't been too bad of a father in the past 21 months doing my best despite the 900 miles separating us. (No reply from W)
Me: Well what are your thoughts about us trying to talk things out, maybe eventually reconcile?
W: No. I don't want to. I actually would like to refile in about 2 months once I finish school and find a job.
Me: so there is no chance of discussing this?
W: No. I've never given you any sign that I wanted to reconcile.
Me: I thought I should at least ask and see if you'd at least be open to the idea...I was hoping maybe we could sit down and talk about his as adults in a civil manner. (no reply from W)

The conversation ends after I tell W that I may not be able to pay child support after I leave active duty unless I have a job. I told her I thought about starting to pay her a monthly sum equivalent to my military housing allowance (which is what I HAVE to send her at a very minimun according toregulations)

She panicked to the idea that she may not have any more full access to our joint checking account like she has for the past 16 years, as well for the past 21 months since she walked away. She said the State will come after me if I shut her from the joint account.

I said I may have to send her the minimum amount I HAVE to send because I also need to plan for my transition ( My W currently lives for the past 21 months with her parents, doesn't pay rent. I pay her cable, the car she drives, car insurance, and she has full access to the account to support our 3 Boys as well.)

Anyway, that's what was talked about this evening. Maybe it was time I became more assertive...tough love...reality check...I just fear all this will affect the boys as well. I really pray it won't too much. Any thoughts about what I did right, wrong?
I kept my cool all along, always remaining calm and composed. My W abruptly said she needed to go and hung up. It's been 21 months now. I thought I should test the waters and ask some tough questions. I am not sure how much of what my W said was venom and how much was truth. Maybe all her venom is HER truth...I don't know. Maybe it all came down to a head tonight. I needed to write about it. Thanks for reading.

JR09