Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

So my Coffee Friend:

Background:

She's 46, no kids, divorced 2 years. Her H left her with a block of land that he said she could have as long as she stayed by herself, and nothing else.

She struggled with life for first year after, did some IC but stopped, then got onto RSVP dating site about a year ago.

Since then her life has been almost a quest to find her Mr Right. She's a cook so was able to travel and work at the same time. No kidding she has been all over Australia looking for Mr Right.

So I was the last of her coffee dates (ironic because I live only 40kms away from her home). If you've read my thread you'll know we hit it off really well from the start (and quickly, probably too quickly).

So I'm over and done with W, and I thought she was over her XH (in a way she is, can't stand him and becomes physically ill whenever he is near or in touch with her), but he still has this "hold" over her, treats her like dirt but she still reacts to it.

Up till 4 days ago, we were going along really well. Going out & having a great time, long walks & talks as well as sleeping together. Then her XH decided to turn up. He was there only 1 day, but she decided she couldn't take it so just up and ran!!!

I couldn't contact her for 3 days, then when she came back she said that she couldn't be with me or anyone, wasn't ready. Also that while she loved being with me and is blown away with the way I touch her and made her feel, it reminds her of her XH in the old days, and that she's been having nightmares when I'm not there - wouldn't tell me what about though.

Now:

So we talked, mostly about how she needed to get back into IC (she brought it up, I just agreed) to get over this "whatever it is" with XH. We both think that once she deals with that, the rest of her life will fall into place.

I know it's very reluctantly she's saying this, I can tell by her eyes. She feels she doesn't deserve anyone decent. It's like she's been in all these superficial R's (and most were just coffee and talking) for so long that she's almost afraid to get to actually know someone on a deeper level.

She is undecided about running again. She can make good money in Tasmania cooking, but would need to sign a contract for 4 months.

I know that whatever is "broken" in her isn't my job to fix, I just feel so bad that there's nothing I can do (my LL is definitely Acts of Service) except take the advice I've been giving people here. Give her Time & Space, let her go and get on with my life in the hope that once she has sorted her chit out she'll come back & I won't have moved on too much. She really is an amazing woman.

Deep, you posted on my thread a while ago about getting into a new R very quickly, I'd be interested in where that went and why.

Also any of you amateur Psychologists out there, would value input as to WTF is going on in her head.