I have been doing a pretty good job at following all the recommendations of the books, such as not pursuing her and not brining up our relationship, unless she does and then Mark, I'm able to get a couple of words in. She agrees with most of what I'm saying and she is starting to understand that her friends and mom's opinion is not that important. Because she realizes that she may never be happy if she continues to listen to them. They are also not very credible, even her mom, and she understands that.
She does not like counselling and she refuses to try it out, although she has gone by herself a couple of times.
Me leaving her was the awful action that really hurt her and I think she is afraid that I may leave her again. She tells me that she can never go through that again. the difference now is that I have educated myself a lot more and I'm willing to try different things to make it work. When I left, I thought I tired everything, although I really kept doing the same things that never worked and I never took the time to understand her point of view.
I don't think that she is blaming them for her choices. I know how she is pressured by other peoples opinions, she always has been. She even admitted to me that she has always struggled with what other people thought. I try to tell her; "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter, don't mind."
One woman friend of mine told me that I need to do something extreme and embarrassing in order to show her that I love her her and win her back. Sometimes I feel like that may be the thing to do to get out of this limbo.
