I followed you here. No, softness is not in anyway related to how you think of her. It is a physiological thing. I once had a boyfriend who was extremely turned on by me, thought I was a goddess of some sort. But for some reason, some days his body just didn't cooperate. I was careful to not blame him in any way. It's a matter of the blood vessels. Perhaps she could help to keep you stimulated physically so you don't experience a "break in the action". Whatever you do, don't take sex off the table. Sex will bring you closer to your wife. And if she wants it, so much the better. What you don't use, you lose. And sex in a marriage is often the first thing to get lost. Once it is gone, it is next to impossible to bring it back. It should never be a bargaining chip, for any reason. You would not say "I won't eat food until you stop talking about D." Why would you say it about sex?
