Too Late For Us?

[mrbt]

I fly home tomorrow morning. Not looking forward to it. Feels like the end. I will probably sign the papers on Monday (need to check all the fine print with my attorney).

[mrbt]

Hello All. I think this post will be a journal entry rather than a question. I am sitting in an airport and have six hours to wait. I have a lot of time to think.

I want to say "thank you" to everyone that has replied to my posts here. Its all been very helpful but, unfortunately, as the thread's title suggests, it's too late for us. I wish I had discovered and understood the concept of DB back in June of 2009. Maybe things would have been different - maybe not.

It's time to start thinking about where to go from here. I will most likely sign the divorce papers this week. After the papers are signed, a court date will be scheduled (have no idea how long this takes). I need to give 45 days notice on the apartment W lives in. I suspect she will move out of state but, at least for the next month or so, I think she will stay put.

Right now I am a little numb - a little sad. I don't think the full weight of what is happening will hit me until she actually moves away. For now, it feels surreal - like a bad dream.

I don't know what I will say when I see her on Sunday. We are still friendly but our time together has become very awkward. At times I can live in the moment and things feels normal - we enjoy each others company. Then something will be said, maybe a reference to our non-future, and its back to reality.

What do I do now? I don't know. I think I will take some time to let the brain-fog lift.

[Number 8]

mrbt, I wish I had some advice for you. I'm so sorry that you're feeling the way you do and experiencing these things. I empathize with your pain. However, all I can give you right now is my support. I'll be thinking of you.

[mrbt]

Thanks 8.

[ShockedOne]

mrbt,
as bad as it seems now, it will get better. I have been there, as have many others on this board. Just keep up with the GAL, go out with friends, find something to consume your time so as not to continue thinking about it. Keep yourself occupied with friends and family.

shock

[mrbt]

Thanks ShockedOne.

Its 4AM. Finally home. Today was a long day.

[mrbt]

As you all know, I have not been very good at going dark. My wife and I still get along well and keep in contact with each other, often via text message. Yesterday, during my long trip home (was out of town for work), I was feeling very discouraged. I decided not to contact her. I wanted to see if she would notice/care.

It wasn't until about 4PM that she attempted to contact me via text message. I intentionally ignored her, she sent another, then called, then another text. She called about five times and left voice messages. I waited an hour before returning her call.

When I called her she was in tears - she was shaking - she said she felt tightness in her chest. I have never heard her so upset. She thought something horrible happened to me. Apparently she cares about my well being. How can she be so attached to me yet want to end our marriage?

[rr22]

I am undergoing the same syndrome with my H. If you get any clarity on this, please share it with me.

[mrbt]

rr22, I just read some of your early posts (12/2009) to familiarize myself with your situation. Sounds like we have a lot in common.

" . . . having problems using LRT and Going Dark because of my ex's erratic behavior."

"I also realize that I'm part of the problem with LRT and going dark. I cannot seem to make myself do it for any length of time (more than a few days)."

"He also expressed that he does not fear that he won't see me again when he sees me. I do fear that I won't see him again. He seems to be experiencing some comfort and security in this separation that I'm not."

Replace the "He" with "She" and this is my situation.

[rr22]

What I was relating to earlier is that my H literally has had anxiety attacks if I do go dark for a few days. Everyone says, not my problem, move on and do it.