W officially in R w/ OM-

[rr22]

Definitely go no contact for as long as possible. I like that you made your "no friends" position clear. The WAS fantasy is having the parents, the friends, new boyfriends, AND old spouse ALL around meeting THEIR needs when they could just go to IC an learn how to meet their own needs.

[Allen A]

Do NOT HELP... you don't agree with the affair, you don't agree with the move, you don't agree with the divorce...

So why would you pick items up and load them on a truck?

It makes no logical sense to do that if you want to show her that you DON"T AGREE with the D or her affair.

[Allen A]

Do you think Ghandi helped the British to load their Rifles when he campaigned to get the British out of India?

[Allen A]

Definitely go no contact for as long as possible. I like that you made your "no friends" position clear. The WAS fantasy is having the parents, the friends, new boyfriends, AND old spouse ALL around meeting THEIR needs when they could just go to IC an learn how to meet their own needs.

Bingo!

And helping her pack is NOT NC by any stretch of the imagination.

[Allen A]

Let them lift the heavy stuff... a NICE HEAVY DOSE of REALITY for them to heave onto a truck...

When you pack for them you enable their fantaties... do NOT enable an affair.

[mindfull]

Completely agreed on helping move the heavy stuff! Let her sort it out. She left you to lift the heaviest of stuff, YOU, YOUR HEART, and YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT!

[jasper67]

so again, is it OK, to just not help for the second load? Do I need tosay anything, or is it just my actions at this point?\

Mindfull- thanks for the Bday wishes

[Allen A]

Thanks mindfull, I couldn't have said that better...

REALITY MAYNARD, that is what your wife is avoiding, and when YOU LIFT things for her, you ENABLE her escapism rather than leaving her to taste the reality and her choices.

When your wife has to face reality, she has to think and act and she doesn't like that... she wants someone to wave the magic wand and make the world into a happier place for her.

Do NOT WAVE the WAND...

A better question is why isn't OM there helping lift stuff?

Is he cowardly or just lazy?

Granted I would never let him in my home, but he could be there to help put stuff on the truck, but of course he's not there.

Om is doing a better job forcing WS to accept reality than you are.

Just sit back and watch them struggle... the struggling is what is going to bring your wife out of the fog... the more struggling the more she has to wake up...

If you ease that struggle you are just allowing the affair to last that much longer.

[Allen A]

DO NOT HELP - AT ALL.

[Allen A]

And ask her for the KEYS NOW... don't wait til she's moved eveyrthing out.. I would'nt be surprised if she tried to keep her keys...

She may haev returned them to you already, but I doubt it.

Ask for the keys and then go make a sandwich and watch the show.