Mutual friend contacted me- explained the sitch of the move.
he replies- good Im glad that you two are moving on
couldnt help myself but to reply-
thats exactly why everything has been so effed...everyone just says what the person wants to hear
his reply- OK
Feeling better, organizing some things around here...the place will be kinda bare W had most of the decorative items.
Feeling like I can handle this positively, business like...no interested in bickering or serious conversation.
Hello, goodbye, good to see you...
Cant believe this is happening...very disappointed that it's gotten to this point...knowing the OM will be the "hero" help move W and MIL in, have a nice dinner w/ them to break in the apt...UGH.
M- how can you pretend to be taking time for yourself while having an affair?
W- my relationship is not involved, I have plenty of time for myself.
Hope you don't mind me posting. I went through that period. I would say that was the toughest time during this. Things get easier after this point. I was so intent on stopping my X from moving out, that I was kind of surprised to find out that my life actually got better when he did.
You know texting is wrong-dont' do that anymore! That's a classic example of the kind of screwed-up they are. They just are kind of delusional. My X said many times, his girlfriend (he was living with) had nothing to do with the divorce. Um, yeah, whatever. In the one therapy session he went to (to tell me it was over) he did tell the C that he would have worked on the M if he wasn't having an A. So I think they say stuff like that to convince themselves even more so than you. I def. did a lot of emails with X during that period, and it was such a joke. Best to go completely NC. If contact makes your PMA lower, and it usually does when they are having an A, then don't do it.
Most A's end, and then at that point you can decide if you want to reconcile or not. At that point, you may be surprised to find out that you don't want back on the rollercoaster. But will be your choice. For now, detach, detach, detach.
And almost forgot--don't help pack her stuff!!! Don't help her do anything that is breaking apart your M such as this move. Don't enable her. Let her feel the consequences. OM is not a hero, but rather a predator. I believe at some point your W will realize that.
Maynard, I just can't believe you have to be there while this is happening. I must have skipped a post...is this what the vets recommend- to be present? I guess it's good to listen to them then since it is the beginning of your separation and not the middle or the end- get it right early!
Please try to schedule a lot of things GAL wise this week to occupy yourself. It really will help!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
My advice some time ago was for Maynard to move her belongings to a neutral location (underground storage or whatver) that she can rifle through at her leisure without him involved.
I have seen a few posters give advice to that effect.
Maynard, you need to stop being such a masochist... YOU put her junk someplace where she can pick it up... NOT at HER friends, you put it at your friends place or something.
If you try to arrange something at HER friends place they will CALL her and WARN her.
You do NOT want her warned about this... Just throw the stuff in a box and get it out... this is how she's treating your marriage, not carefully or delciately or with any consideration...
you treat her belongings the same way she is treating the rest of her marriage so she can see what she's doing.
Do NOT pack things nicely... you aren't her employee... toss it in a box and dump it on someone's front lawn and be done with it all
There was no time...one load is done. MIL said virtually nothing to me...I was polite but did not engage her either. For the most part there was no conversation.
W reiterated that she's taking time for herself...I had no reply.
I did let her know that w/ D there would be no friendship what-so-ever...this did get her attention- she was literally shocked.
She asked why, I said friends don't do this to eachother and I did not marry her to be her friend.
They are on their way to the apt., they are coming back for a second load in a bit.
i have avoided all physical contact w/ W, literally dodging her if we came close.
Sadly, I have helped them load the truck...I would love not to, but its all women and some of the stuff is heavy. I don't know that its wrong to do, I can see how it saves her some hassle, but they do have to unload it themselves...plus they cant load a truck worth shirt...I think I learned how to load from my dad, he's super anal about it.
Its funny to watch W w/ MIl and her friend they are more pissy than W- I feel like she's following them, like she is just going along w/ them...
I actually feel REALLY good. I am not emotional it is business and there are no "hey remember this" or sighs, etc.
Once the last load is done, it's NC for as long as I can go.
Maynard you are not helping your wife grow up or accept reality by coddling her like a child and doing everything for her.
You COULD have used this move to get her to wake UP... By standing by and doing NOTHING you demonstrate you don't agree with the move. By NOT helping them move you maintain your position on the divorce...
Consistency is key here maynard, but the message you are sending her right now is "I am your servant, use me as you like"
