setting boundaries when not clear if A is over

[newmama]

Decided on the following course of action:
1. Let H know that I "get it" that he is done with the M. Also acknowledge it to myself. And acknowldege that the future we now have is the joint investment in our child.

If I continue to tell him what he is doing is wrong, he will just go further to show me that he's right.

YES. This is correct!
2. Acknowldege to H that all this emotionality is too much for him, but it's also too much for me & the baby. Let him know that space is good for me right now, and that I 'own' this seperation too (it's not something he's done to me, but that WE are taking time apart). I do not agree that you should "own" the separation too by saying WE are taking time apart. I do think that the part in blue is good.
3. Work on improving myself and what kind of mother I am going to be. If it's a single-mother, then think about how I am going to do it. This is really smart. Like I said before, I think we should all prepare ourselves for raising a child alone in case something happened to our H (death or divorce).

So that's generally what advice was given. I think it's good advice.

As I am not initiating contact, not sure when I will get the chance to communicate the above to H.

Questions still unresolved are:
What I do about our joint finances? Do I need to set up my own bank acc into which my salary goes..the salary that dries up a few months into maternity leave, btw! (L should help with this)YES do set up your own account- after all, even happily married people have separate accounts sometimes. But check with L
What do I do about our apartment - rent it out to save myself some money, or go back and live in it? (L might set me straight on some issues around this also). Couch seemed to think it would be more attractive to WH if I was not bunking in at my folks. It is YOUR job to take the best care of your baby. It means that it is okay to get help- he left you, you need help, I swear to you that it will make your life so much easier! I don't get this from the Coach--I doubt your WH will become attracted to you in the next 2 months (but he CAN in the future).
What do I do about WH stuff filling up my parent's garage (has been the case since we moved o/seas 3 yrs ago)WHat do your parents think about his stuff being in their garage? I would have them deal with it- not you. I would think they could move it to storage and send him the bill!

In summary:
Will separating finances push us closer to a divorce? No.
Will moving his stuff out push us closer to divorce? Not the garage and I don't have good advice about moving his things out of your apartment...I just don't know.
Will living with my folks push us closer to divorce?

NO!!! It makes sense why you are living with your folks! Even if he was overseas on business you would do it, right?

Question,
I kinda said this to WH last time we spoke (after he said he hopes we can be 'best friends' for life), but probably in a garbled manner, and wondering if I should repeat it in an email if WH contacts me again sometime soon. It's word for word what Puppy Dog Tails told his wife (just came across it in another thread & thought it was perfect):
"If our marriage ends this way, by you having an affair, cutting and running, and refusing marriage counseling, then I have no intention of being your friend, less your best friend".
I think it applies to my sitch.
I could wait till he emails me next time.
Or I could reply to an email he sent one week ago which I never replied to at the time (it was a simple email about a friend's father dying and how he was sorry one of my colleagues was giving me a hard time at work, with him wishing me a good weekend at the end).
Thinking that might be a bit lame though... unsure of my motivations.

Thoughts?

_________________________

I think you could wait until he emails you again- it is more authentic and you could add the bit about needing space from him right now due to the pain and emotionality this is causing you. It is better for the baby.