How to approach W about OM

[OfficerInNeed]

Dialog from conversations with my wife

Me: "On such and such day i plan on doing this or that, you are welcome to join"

W: "its up to you"

[jasper67]

I wouldn't mention it again...you did your part- the rest is actually up to her, even though she put it back on you

[Lotus]

"I would prefer if you came with me."

[Lotus]

Actually, that might be "I would prefer if you come with me." Either way. I'm not sure of the correct grammar. But the correct thought is that you would like to do nice things with your wife because you love her and you love to be with her.

I get the idea about the wild animal not wanting you to approach it. But the pussycat comes close and wants to be petted. People are not robots with buttons that make them act certain ways. Your wife is a person who will respond in her own way. If you are not warm and friendly to her, someone else will be and she might prefer to spend her time with him.

All this talk about being "lovingly detached" What is that? All I see is detached. And detached has a coldness about it. Where is the loving part? Your chance to act loving to your wife is now. If you miss your chance, when will you get another one?

[TrentC]

All this talk about being "lovingly detached" What is that? All I see is detached. And detached has a coldness about it. Where is the loving part? Your chance to act loving to your wife is now. If you miss your chance, when will you get another one?

Bingo.

Trying to heal a marriage means accepting that things will be unbalanced for a while, that you will be the one who is putting more effort into the R than she is.

[Allen A]

If she puts it back onto you OIN just leave it as is... don't say anything and just go on your own.

Do NOT REPLY to that, its a trap.

[Allen A]

I get the idea about the wild animal not wanting you to approach it. But the pussycat comes close and wants to be petted.

Clearly you don't get it Lotus, Pussycats are NOT wild animals... right now his wife is NOT in a domestic cat state of mind, she's a wild animal in a cage, she's made this clear to him on a number of occasions.

Just leave her be OIN... she will come to you when she's ready.

[Lotus]

Right, get your chair and your whip so you can tame the lion! Do you have a top hat and tux jacket?

[Lotus]

And her motivation to stay in this marriage is.....what? She likes to be treated like a wild animal in a cage? I seriously doubt it!

[Allen A]

I am not taking the bait lotus...

If you are going to deliberately misinterpret my posts so be it.

Try to confuse the other posters all you want, I trust their capability to see through that.