Cant sleep a wink...probably gonna look like shirt for her move...ugh.
Not going to pursue or be a d&*k...PMA and strictly business...once everythings gone going NC.
Cant believe this is happening, I knew it was coming down the road, but now its in 5 hours.
Haven't seen MIL in a year...dont know how well I can fake being pleasant around her...
Starting to believe that the M never stood a chance, starting to think I was used from day one. W gets a business out of the deal, and in turn the dream she always wanted and a while slew of friends...I get nothing- just an XW and some heartache.
D is a funny thing...perhaps one of the most difficult times in someone's life- the funny part is its the one painful experience where you cannot rely on support from your spouse...
Gonna try to get a game of golf in hopefully by noon or so...tomorrow I will be free of the pop-ins, the "favors", the vortex...I'm sure I'll still think about her, but I no longer have to wonder if I'll see her car in the drive.
I'm really effing depressed, this is not what I want, I would do anything to stop it. I dont want to sound selfish, but seriously this is perhaps the most unecessary loss I've ever witnessed...I know it goes for most sitches as well.
I need to walk away just as quickly as W is...I feel like there was never anything there between us now...like she was always going to leave...no therapy, no communication, no pleading on her part to have things be better...how can she act as though she ever cared about the M if these things NEVER happened?!
I wish I could forget her all together, I wish there was no room for her in my head or heart...she haunts me...I am the one thinking about turning back time, I am the one thinking about every last interaction or scanning our history for hints and clues...I'm the only one left who cares or has hope. I'm the only one saying shoulda or coulda...
This has to shift...I need to focus on reality...on the now.
Nothing from the past matters...
I want to tell W these things-
That I will remember her as having used me, as never caring enough about the M to suggest MC, or even communicate her needs or displeasure. That she never loved me and that this was always going to happen b/c she never let me in. That i will be better off w/o her and I am happy to have her out of my life.
