In the past, when he has done something big, like go out and buy a motorcycle, I have confronted him. I would talk about finances and point out that it seemed like he always got what he wanted and I was always waiting for my turn to get something that I needed/wanted. So...usually made it about me. If it was smaller, I probably pouted and would say "nothing" if he asked what was wrong. I don't like admitting that!
I used to be like that, but not anymore. It was part of the changes I effected. No one wants to admit their mistakes, and I was the SAME way.
My self-mirror, when thrown up, was awful to look in, but I forced myself to see what I really was, and I was sick at heart about it. But made positive changes over time, worked on me, and made the changes permanent. It took time, as everything usually does, but I became a much better person than I was before, taking care of myself better than I did beforehand.
I could say NO, and feel fine about it, instead of guilty...I learned I could not save the world, becoming able to allow others to fall and bump their heads if that was what it took...I learned to no longer "enable" someone in bad behavior...I learned to say yes to the good, no to the bad; setting proper boundaries.
I stopped getting mad so easily, realizing that I CHOSE my reactions to others, they didn't "make" me anything..no one could make me happy, sad, etc.
In essence, I learned to be peaceful about things, even if someone else was getting angry, or spiteful. But, I didn't feel I was getting even, when I stood up for myself.
Most important of all, I learned not only to forgive others, but I learned to forgive ME, also, for being human, and left my guilt, shame and mistakes behind...and though I still make mistakes, I take responsibility for those mistakes, make amends when needed, forgive ME, and go on with my life; knowing I've done all I can do.
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So, H was just here and was Mr Jabberjaw! Said he is supposed to work OT again tonight. Said he'd take our dog to the vet if I made the appt (she has a lump that is growing bigger) and gave me cash for dog food and said to call if we needed anything....and he hoped to take the kids next weekend.
Well, you know the story, take it ALL with a grain of salt, if he does what's promised, thank him and go on..if not, your expectations were at zero, anyway, and you know you can't depend on him to follow through.
Jabberjaw, huh? Wasn't he quiet before?
Have a good Saturday night.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
