Good for you for showing son that while changed - as most things will be - this tradition goes on. There's comfort and security in tradition and ritual for young ones. Old ones, too. I'm not surprised that on this first non-family trip, W is "tresspassing" onto your mental real estate.
That will abate - in all areas - with time. I find that since my mental real estate is finite, the more I fill it with other, newer positives, the less room there is for any of X's old "squatter's rights."
Enjoy! Have a giddy blast!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Well, back from the weekend trip. Was fun. This morning, probably b/c of having to return home to "the problem" that is my M, I was pretty down. The intensity of the emotions and feelings of loss, anger, resentment, abandonement was surprising.
I have picked myself up, but still feel a bit shaky. Have to keep telling myself to quit wondering "Why" and How".
Just a tough morning that seems to have traces lingering this afternoon.
I am going to take S to baseball practice, then hit the gym during his practice.
This morning, probably b/c of having to return home to "the problem" that is my M, I was pretty down. The intensity of the emotions and feelings of loss, anger, resentment, abandonement was surprising.
I have picked myself up, but still feel a bit shaky. Have to keep telling myself to quit wondering "Why" and How".
Just a tough morning that seems to have traces lingering this afternoon. All perfectly understandable
I am going to take S to baseball practice, then hit the gym during his practice.
Me, too in about 30 minutes. Always good for what ails ya!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Been a week since my last post. Wow. Don't think I've ever gone that long. But, not really much to post about.
Still riding the cycles of ups and downs, but, the downs are becoming less frequest and less severe. Seen this pattern before.
This week, W's L accused me of "playing games" to delay our mediation which had already been scheduled for later in April. What a clown. Sure, I'm enjoying living in the same house with someone for whom I have NO positive feelings, so maybe I can drag this out a little more. His logic is strikingly captivating! Jacka$$!
Feeling more and more indifferent towards W. Time is healing, but there are still down parts to the cycle. Again, I think this is normal and just part of it.
Took S to Disney last weekend. We had a great time together, but we always do. Took D to my neice's (child of my brother and his W) birthday party yesterday. It's about an hour's drive so we got to spend great father-daughter time - lots of "I spy."
Funny thing that hit me yesterday morning. W volunteered a couple of weeks ago to take D to my neice's birthday party. Didn't occur to me until yesterday morning that this is my brother and SIL my W claimed told W she was no longer welcome at their house since W was leaving me. Seems W cannot remember the lies she has told me. Didn't make me sad. Actually made me laugh.
One of W's friends gave her a mattress and box springs (I assume to replace her existing ones). W went to pick it up on Saturday. Old me would have certainly helped her. Now, not so much. Not to be a jerk, but to let her see what being on her own is like. This is the life she has chosen.
Hope everyone is doing as well as can be. I started "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson, and it is pretty good. Would recommend it.
Look at all the growth you've allowed! Unfortunately, it is unlikely W has done the work - and whatever comes next for her will be peppered with the same puzzles. You are starting over with a fortified skill set. It's been hell going through it, but look at all you've learned.
Just saying...
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Take it and use it Greek. I think its pretty funny too.
And, yes, I DO appreciate what I've learned. Early on, Coach said "get ahead of her" and at first, I didn't quite understand that. I do now. And I'm SO far ahead of her, I can't even see her in my rear view mirror! Oh, what she could have NOW if she only looked. But, that's her choice. God, what a mistake!
I'm good no matter what. I really don't want what she has become. Who would, but the unsuspecting or ignorant (tell Coach this makes me think of a 3 Stooges line: "what is you, ignorant?").
