I havent even been able to cry. I'm so stunned by his actions, that I can't even wish him back anymore. He is a different person to me now. Is that normal? Will i break down eventually or it this was realization feels like. Dont get me wrong, I never felt so alone and empty and hurt. Maybe the sadness is just too deep. Maybe the hurt has taken over the tears and sadness. Here i was keeping my distance hoping he would miss me and instead he files... by all means, dont give up on your own lives... i wish I read DB and DR the first week it happened... i never know what couldve been different. im not sure anything at this point can change. He left 10 weeks ago and never once had any doubt nor did he ever want to come back. We did speak the night i recieved the papers, he acted as if we were talking about the weather... his first words... "what did you expect me to do". To top it off he typed a long letter in the certified mail packet he sent to my house... his actions are to intentionally hurt me.
i am convinced now more than ever that OW is involved and i truly believe she is pushing him to move quickly with the divorce etc., especially before the baby arrives. although I do think he has completely moved on, and she is not forcing him to do something he doesnt want. i also think now maybe he was cheating on me all along... maybe she is threatening him to tell me everything so he rushed to file, even when weeks ago we signed our medical insurance renewal etc. and now i have to go on my own.
Why the rush? I even asked are you marrying her? Why does he continue to deny someone is in his life anymore... at this point does it matter? I will eventually sign the papers, waiting to go over everything with my attorney, especially with a baby on the way. I am not talking to him, nor calling or texting, etc. i cant stand to think of him let alone see him or deal with him.
i understand that he could feel like he doesnt love me or thinks he wants to move on... DR helped me understand that his feelings are in fact true... but filing for a divorce in a serious action to take. especially when you file 4 days after we went together to the baby's sonogram and found out it was a boy.
Piano, once I figure it out, i will start a new thread and see what the pros have to say. Gatsby, hand in there...
As for the papers, i sent him an email the following day and said I will sign the papers when I am ready. he didnt reply to the email. But for the following 3 hours, he sent me 3 stupid text messages commenting on small things, but did not address any big issues. I did not reply to any of them... Maybe he doesnt realize that i do not even want him in my life as his enemy. As for right now, i am 100% dedicated to the health and happiness of my baby and my pregnancy. i have a few months left to enjoy this lil guy inside of me moving all around... he stripped me of my happiness with my pregnancy... i am going to fight to get that back. I have finally gotten to the point where I am putting myself first. I let my sisters know they can throw me a baby shower with my family and close friends and will start living lfe for myself...
after all I have no choice.... he left me with the life we built together... and all I can do is watch him walk away.
