NM, you are a smart lady. wink

you are absolutely right to make your choice to fight or flee.

I do NOT believe your H is evil. if your H had been awful from the day you met, then, yes, you are being naive, but I do not believe this to be the case.

Quote:
A poor father and I have zero respect for him and what he has done to this woman.


imho, this is wrong. yes, he is not being a good husband, he has left her and has been very selfish, but he has been a good father outside of that.

he has been going to see him everyday almost, something I have never seen on these boards or even people I know. Now, I am not saying he is being a good person or making good choices, because he is not, but people have A's because they were hurt and needs were not being met, and they were tempted and deceived. This is only a symptom, and NM, you get to decide how much patience to give of yourself, and I hope that you give a lot.

You are not being walked on IMHO. If this scenario continues and there is no progress, then things need to change, but as far as I knew, you started some different things and noticed more activity with him in regards to his texting and staying later. These are the things you want. You can't just let it happen for a few weeks and quit. Things take time, and because you are not in the same house and do not have a lot of contact things will take longer.

Has this new improvement been going on for 2 months? if not, then I think you should continue on the path you are on. Changes take time, not just one day or a week or even 2.

Cake eating? perhaps, but most the time it is fear and confusion. fear of losing both people (selfish? yes) and confusion on what do they really want, which then feeds even more into the fear.

This is not about giving people what they deserve. This is about going thru the worst experience of your life and being humbled in a way you never imagined.

BUT, what I can tell you, is that if you humble yourself, if you go thru this fire, and if you learn as I learned, you have a great chance in saving a M that will last a lifetime and a M that is GOOD! an M that is better than it ever was before.

I know, I have that. I also have been the betrayer as well as the betrayed.

and as a christian...God hates divorce. and I fully believe that God can save your M, if you trust him to do so. I don't know your religion, but it was very important in my sitch.

Now that you have released that pressure and had that convo (which IMHO, I wouldn't normally agree to do, but in this case I feel it was ok, no pleading, but just honest sharing of your feelings) you need to start having fun and showing it to H. Be excited about going to places and look hot when you go! Be at home sometimes to have fun so he can taste what his life SHOULD be, but most the time go out and do fun things, not just grocery shop. Let him think you are getting a life and enjoying it, and be elusive, not sneaky, but mysterious and slightly flirty.

just MHO.

this is your sitch and your choices. if something doesn't work...quit doing it.


Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."