Starting Over (Again)

[Quart9]

What did you do?

[Cautious]

Told his best friend something that ExCurious was keeping confidential. Want to know my reward?

Ignored his call and got this text: "You know for someone who wants to stir up **** you dont ever seem to want to talk to me"

[flowmom]

I would calmly apologize by phone or in person and NOT let it turn into a conversation or argument.

[flowmom]

(((Cautious))). I've read most of your thread but may have missed some things.

That is a hard place to be: divorced yet still hoping for reconciliation. Your X is legally and (most would say) morally free to live his own life, including romantic relationships.

I think you are right to try NC right now (though ideally arrange some way for your S to contact you without having to leave a voice mail). But remember that NC is mostly for YOU...to give yourself the space to rebuild yourself. Obsessing about your H isn't helping you to do that.

I don't blame you for continuing to want to reconcile...but you need to make self care a serious priority right now. I've started to read a book that might help:
http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287

Even if there is a reconciliation in the cards for you...you still need to address all the feelings that come from being abandoned...and from your posts those feelings are very alive in you, not surprisingly.

Are you in IC? I think that would be wise...it really helps to get support to deal with the tough stuff.

Hang in there...

[Cautious]

Thank you for the advice and recommendation, flowmom. I guess I'll let slip the confidential information now so you all can see exactly WHY I am so angry and flipping out right now:

I told ExCautious a week ago I was pregnant. He told me to have an abortion. I said I was not comfortable with that. He said he'd talk to me on Tuesday. Talk never happened. I don't think it's right for him to date while I'm pregnant with his child, so I texted this information to his best friend tonight, asking for his help in getting ExCautious to talk to me about the pregnancy... whether he's involved or not, whether he plans to sue for paternity or not, etc.

I don't feel wrong for what I did. A tiny bit guilty, sure, but definitely not wrong. He doesn't need two women pregnant at the same time, but that's not my choice to make.

[flowmom]

Omigosh Cautious...that is a lot to deal with. I'm assuming ExC is the father? Would he have reason to doubt that?

I think you need to go NC more than ever now. I think you should not discuss your pregnancy at all with your H...he will see it as emotional blackmail. Give him space to absorb and wait for him to bring it up with you.

[Cautious]

Yeah, I guess I should feel guilty. I just don't. I gave him ample time to talk to me, instead he ignored it. He claims he's "trying" to take care of his responsibilities, yet he never seems to come through on the big stuff. But he'll pester the crap out of me over a haircut?

[Cautious]

And no, his only reason to doubt it is that he "doesn't know" what I do, since we don't live together. Um, hello? Taking care of your kid, that's what I do.

I'm really angry this evening. I had to work and it always puts me in a bad mood.

[g450]

OMG Cautious,

I had no idea about the preg. I completely missed that in your thread somehow.

I have to say that I have no respect for your X at this point.
Regardless of divorce, if my X were pregnant with MY child she would be my #1 concern until the child was born. And I would be on her like white on rice until we both made a solid decision about the unborn child.

Unless he thinks your bluffing.

And I hate to say it but it sounds like your XH is too immature to be married or be a father. JMHO.

[Quart9]

Wow Cautious that is a difficult situation. Calling his friend and disclosing that info may not have been the best approach.

I believe flowmom is right. You have to back off from him. He should man up and take responsibility for his actions - don't get me wrong. Pursuing him with this though may really push him away.

I'm headed to JC's house this morning. I'm going to say a prayer for you.