(((Cautious))). I've read most of your thread but may have missed some things.
That is a hard place to be: divorced yet still hoping for reconciliation. Your X is legally and (most would say) morally free to live his own life, including romantic relationships.
I think you are right to try NC right now (though ideally arrange some way for your S to contact you without having to leave a voice mail). But remember that NC is mostly for YOU...to give yourself the space to rebuild yourself. Obsessing about your H isn't helping you to do that.
Even if there is a reconciliation in the cards for you...you still need to address all the feelings that come from being abandoned...and from your posts those feelings are very alive in you, not surprisingly.
Are you in IC? I think that would be wise...it really helps to get support to deal with the tough stuff.
Hang in there...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
