Lost, The person in crisis does suffer from quite a few ailments. Some of it is the depression talking and others are age, stress related and others comes from trying to burn the candle at both ends being a kid and in an adult body. BTW, if you read up on depression, you will find that many of them suffer from pain, both real and imaginery. There is a ton of information on what they experience in the way of pain, etc.
The sleep issue could very well be because his mind is going 90 miles an hour. I know that a few have said that they are afraid to go to sleep because they may die or their guilt takes over and they remember what they've left behind. Guilt does tend to come out at night when everything is quiet and they have nothing else to focus on.
I know that you are worried about him, but he's been to see the doctor and hopefully the doctor will work with him and get in on the right track. If he wants to talk, listen to what he has to say. He most likely doesn't want you to tell him what to do right now.
How are you doing?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, ty! I am doing quite well actually...keeping busy and doing even more with the girls. Seems the weather has broken it has been about 60 degrees the past 3-4 days!
I do understand quite a bit of the depression part...went through a bout of a bad one after our 2nd child.
was interested if this med...elavil may help him...if anyone knows first hand anything of it
he is and has been talking of coming home...not coming home. we have been having BIG issues with our 9 y/o and sleeping problems.As expected it is affecting her in every way, school, crankiness, being negative...she is frightened and we have not figured out why yet...working on it in family counciling again this week.
in fact last night about 2am...she was still awake, keeping me awake. we were sitting in the living room talking and she wanted to talk to her dad...she was shaking, crying on the verge of being hysterical. I allowed the phone call to h, he didnt mind at all of course...surprisingly we hung up saying we would see him tomorrow but he was at the house within 40 min...
my gosh...the way they were with one another was awesome! brought tears of joy to my eyes...
one day at a time. we have so much going on...it has been a week...short time but we have gotten along famously! working together with d's issue and our other d...softball has started and h coaches. he has been around even more but most of all he has been talking...opening up a bit. I simply listen and feel truly blessed to have a bit of this again.
i have set a new goal...to try to get through every new day without any pettiness...or arguing. 24-48 hr rule still applies on reacting.
the validating, praising , please and thank yous...appreciation is a way of living for me now...
again one day at a time.
Seeking answers,
yes, he has been using androgel for the low t since Sept.. have seen some but very little improvement however the Dr said it could take up to 6-8- months to benefit fully. I am assuming if the dr has prescribed an a/d for any reason, that his counts have come up to where the a/d wont hinder his progress
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
Thanks Lost. I just wondered because I'm sure my H suffers from low testosterone, although he won't see a doctor. OW has been a band aid, but after a while I can't imagine the depression and moodiness that is H won't rear their ugly heads as their R continues.
I"m so glad to hear about you two getting along better. rr and I are calling it - "going Ghandi" refusal to get into arguments. LEt go of the petty stuff, deal with the big stuff with the 24/48 hr rule and calm communication.
Lost1234, I'd seen your post, but did not answer it; as I have NO experience in the meds department, and thought maybe someone else would have..and Snodderly has given you a good explanation.
Like SA's husband, mine wouldn't even SEE a doctor about any of the problems he was having; though I knew he was suffering from low testosterone; he was having hot flashes and mood swings just like a woman does.
One day at a time, one step at a time, working on yourself, and don't worry about your husband...he's on his own time, now.
Have a good one.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
HB, you said your H wouldn't see a doctor either for low testosterone. Do you feel that could contribute to the length of time they're in MLC? If your H didn't medicate for it, how did it resolve itself?
Do you feel that could contribute to the length of time they're in MLC?
I cannot honestly answer that in a for sure kind of way. The emotional crisis and their menopause can run together or be separate. That was one detail I had actually forgotten, until I was reminded of it. As Snodderly had stated before, it is possible to go through Menopause(Or Andropause, in men), and STILL go through a MLC. Each battle is separate. My own was separated, running back to back. The key to coming out more quickly or more slowly is the facing of the issues within ourselves/themselves, and the processing that's required to do so can get quite lengthy, depending on what was suffered in childhood, etc.
Quote:
If your H didn't medicate for it, how did it resolve itself?
His testosterone, in time, rebalanced itself as his trip through Andropause finished out, that is all I know..I saw the problems with his sex drive, his skin, mood swings etc straighten and level out..and that took time.
Yet, he became more emotional due to the amount of estrogen he gained within his system during Andropause; and he's quite different now than he was before he went through the tunnel.
I know he sees a doctor regularly now, he is diabetic, having developed diabetes around 2 1/2 years ago; he is on meds for that, but, as far as I know, his hormones are fine at this time.
It's a good question, SA, but also remember each person is different in their going through this. For some, the physical battle does come first, then the Mid life adjustment; for some, it it completely backward. Still, for others, both can run in tandem.
Not everyone will medicate; when I went through my own adjustment, I recognized the need to get something to help me...but that didn't keep me from navigating these deep waters for 6 years.
I hope this helps.
Have a good one.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
