I'm so so sorry for all you've been through. I'm feel too inexperienced here to offer any advice, but I thought I'd share this, if that's ok. This comment doesn't even have anything to do with DB-ing; so I hope you'll bear with me? Please forgive if this is out of place or too personal.

Here goes. I don't know if you have any idea of the positive effect your love and communication will have on your children as they become adults. I know you say you're lucky to have them, but I don't know if you realize how lucky they are to have you.

One of the things I haven't discussed on my post, is that my mother, although not bipolar, has 'borderline tendencies'. From my research borderline personality disorder is similar to bipolar but a lot less extreme. (Please though, I don't know anything about bipolar so I sure don't want to disrespect your situation by comparing if they're nothing alike). I think it has a similar effect on the family though - they essentially spend their lives walking on eggshells, right? I grew up constantly frightened for the next blowup when I'd have to hold mom's hand through terrible crying spells, or cope with the anger and blame for her problems, listening to her unending problems, begging her to see a psych, feeling responsible for fixing her personal and marriage problems. Sorry, please, I'm not trying to hijack your thread, just wanted to explain my frame of reference.

It was tough, but I think I could have coped way better, if there would have been someone there to hear me. I couldn't ever work through my problems or emotions because there was just no-one to help me understand them. Heaven forbid I'd talk to mom about anything, and Dad was emotionally and physically absent too.

So your descriptions throughout your story of your concern and presence in your childrens' lives (particularly this last moment for the 'chocolate run', and the story of your son squeezing your fingers!) is such a wonderful gift to them. Being there for them, listening to them - to all their problems, allowing them to feel and share, or even just experience their emotions is going to allow them to grow into balanced, happy, wonderful adults.

I hope you realize and feel proud of what a good dad and role model you are - they're very, very lucky to have you.

And finally, sorry, I do hope I haven't gotten too personal? I'm still pretty scared to comment on anyone else's sitch, but I wanted you to know what a good job I thought you're doing. Way to go.

I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.