From how I see it, when GALing, if you're thinking about WAS, you're probably not having a very good time. So I find it acceptable to exit whatever I'm doing and leave if I can't get Ex off my mind. Otherwise I feel like I'm ruining everyone else's good time. Seems like you were pretty good at setting your feelings for W aside, though.
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I was funny, witty, and confident, so that felt pretty good.
How is that different from any other day?
Good luck today and stay strong! You're doing so well!
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
yea, my friend is aware of the sitch- I didn't talk about it at all, but i just looked at my friend and although she is nice and caring, she is nothing like W- and so I missed W, even though it was a pleasant change to be w/ someone nice, and caring...lol
Golf was fun, just cleaning the pool now, gonna take a break and nap...then dinner at 9 pm...ugh W just got here...
Alright...W left a bit ago, she showed up w/ her friend...the one that I knew personally and whom I had reached out to back in Oct...
I had PMA and was doing well...W disappeared, I guess to get changed...I could not help but get into a conversation w/ her friend...turns out her friend is Aetheist, and is privy to lots of W's feelings...everything has to do w/ W not having the feelings she should have.
I confronted friend about her not stepping up back in Oct...she is all about personal happiness and never once made a stand for therapy or anything else...Unfortunately I did challenge her, so probably will not help me at all, she contradicted herslef MANY times throughout the conversation.
It appears as though happenstance is a huge part of my sitch- the type of friends W has, their own politics or life perspectives, etc...it was always doomed...
W and I spoke candidly for 2 minutes...she still claims to just want to get settled, to figure out what she wants...she admits to genuine saddness over our sitch, and that's all, saddness- that nothing was what had been planned...
In the meantime- unconfirmed by W, she is still in a R w/ OM, she will be here tomorrow w/ the same friend and MIL to get MIL's things...and that is that.
W gave me a great hug, perhaps the best one we've had in years...i tried to pull away, but she held it for quite a bit longer.
I dont know what to think...I know that if she's trying to figure out what she wants, OM will have "single" on his FB page...and that is not the case.
She is still cake-eating, I am tempted to have W move all her shirt tomorrow...I will wait for advice befoe I ask her to do so.
Overall, an OK experience- there was no pursuing (unless my conversation w/ her friend was seen as such), there was no begging, no crying, no pressuring...
I did make mention of having been out w/ someone else- W's eyes widened...I did admit that it just felt wrong...
BTW- an intial conversation regarded Tiger Woods...I used to play his video game religiously, I explained that I had no respect for him and have thrown out the game as a result of his actions...this was an odd conversation and things seemed tense as a result...
Dinner in 2 hrs...looking forward to getting out of my head.
No hugs.... Maynard. And no pursuing via her friends. But all in all maynard. Class all the way. I am proud of you my friend. A hard day is done. Next time control the conversation. And only have it about topics that are on your list of important items to discuss. If anything else comes up. Ignore.
Again. No hugs. Do not physically come within 2 inches of her. Have a good evening. I was thinking of you all day.
Put her things on teh front lawn and tell her she's not welcome in your home anymore.
Her friend is confusing "infatuation" with "happiness"... they are NOT the same thing.
It's not pursuing if you are just trying to educate her friend. But since those two are hanging out, she's clearly supporting the whole mess... so I don't think you will get very far on that route...
It WILL END eventually, a mess will result. It may take a few years, but it will END and she will regret what she's doing.
I would NEVER tell her I was out with someone else.. I would never have GONE OUT with someone else...
You are still married yes? Then SHOW IT... you just VALIDATED ALL OF HER BEHAVIOUR when you did that...
You are supposed to be setting an example for her AND for you...
Do NOT DATE until your divorce is FINAL.
You are in NO EMOTIONAL STATE to be getting involved with someone else right now anywyas... be considerate to OTHERS by not getting them involved in your life right now... they will just end up hurt.
You need to focus on showing an example here, for yourself to maintain your marraiges' integrity and to her friends and yours.
If you don't want to look desperate and crazy, then don't start acting like your wife and start cheating on her... that's NOT going to improve the sitauation... and...
If it was just a lie, then you still aren't helping anyone by announcing that.
I think I would confront your W about how much she's going to pay you to store the rest of her possessions. I'm in a really dark place right now, could someone please soften that sentiment up for me?
But really, as long as her things are there, she has a reason to keep coming by and interupting your life and causing you anxiety and discomfort.
Hoping your dinner went well! Happy birthday, friend.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
I agree...I let W know that I was on a blind date once...just as friends and that there was no attfraction there-- thank goodness...you are right, I can see that it only encourages her.
It really does suck, being in recovery, we are encouraged to always share our feelings and our honesty...in this sitch feelings are not to be discussed at all.
Kind of interesting.
I agree about the hug- it was initiated by W, I will do better to keep clear of her...I can see that her holding it longer was control...and unfortunately it worked.
After all, I am the one journaling or writing about it...lol.
CB- thanks for thinking of me- I know the hug was wrong...sometimes I can't help but thnk it will be the last time...shame on me.
Maynard, if you take every crumb she is going to offer you, you will never be offered better.
You deserve better... tell her that.
If she tries to hug you, you put your hand up and tell her "NO"
She is gonna get pissed or pout or whatever, its all an attempt to manipulate you to YOUR detriment... short term for HER, she gets to feel less guilty, long term for you is you take longer to detach.
She's using you.
Next time she tries that tell her
"You didn't want me remember... ?"
And you cross your arms and direct her to get her things and go.
I agree with earlier post, take it to a neutral place or something and tell her to pick it up there.
Do NOT do her ANY favours by delivering it to her. Take it to YOUR friend's place who does NOT agree with what she is doing and tell her she can find it all there and make arrangements with your friend.
Wayward spouses pull this stunt of picking up things all the damn time.. they drag out the pain and use you while softening their guilt at the same time... do NOT allow it... get her crap out of there.. with NO NOTICE to her... put it at your pal's place and AFTER its all moved you tell your wife where she can get it... no apology or explanation.
MOVE it someplace NEUTRAL with NO WARNING to her.. NOW
