If she was unwilling to bend your way a bit and you were unwilling to bend her way a bit there is little left to do.
I was willing to bend her way once I realized it meant the difference between having an in-tact family or not, however that was only after she left. And despite her acknowledging my willingness to do so, I got the too little too late speech. Sure had I done it during the R things wouldnt likely be where theyre at...but I had and still have my values on living life and raising children, and to me going out and drinking after work every night when you have a small child at home is no way to parent or support your partner.
To me it was never about my bending anyway...it was about her doing whatever she wants with no responsibilities or consequences, including leaving to be with OM...otherwise when I finally was willing to do whatever to make her happy and keep our family together she would have said "ok" and came home.
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
What would be the point in staying in a R for 10-15 years until your daughter grows up if you are unhappy. What sort of example does that set? A terrible one IMO.
Aside from the fact that children whose parents are together but in some conflict grow up happier and heatlhier than children whose paretns ssplit up, that line of thinking assumes it would always be unhappy. Thats the kind of thinking that my ex did or is doing as well...she assumes that staying meant she forever had to be unhappy...that nothing would change...and instead of trying to fix any problems she bailed. I think had we gotten back into couples counseling instead of her just throwing her hands up in the air and saying "I give up"...we would have likely worked through our issues and came out with a stronger and happier R.
I was willing to do that, as I said, even during the R. But that requires some work...and rather than do work on the relationship, it's easier to just move on with someone else apparently.
And I've considered going to volunteer at the local food bank to take up some of my free time.
Oh and MB...it was about being unemployed with her. She wanted me to go flip burgers just to get out of the house. "Get out and get a job at McDonalds".
