Boy its doubly hard when you see your H peeping through. I can see how LBS start to push at this point. We have been so patient that this glimmer of of our H makes us want to get things sorted and you get the impression that everything is now fine.
I have to keep on my path and leave him on his until he decides (or not) to walk together.
I have some questions that I need answers for. Wonder if anyone can help?
Is depression also part of acceptance or does this disappear in withdrawal? Would everyone expect OW to have completely gone by acceptance? Do the relationship talks etc start in acceptance or is it possible to hear them at the end of withdrawal?
In my H's case, there was depression through the entire MLC and for about 9-18 months after acceptance, though it was lessening after he came out of Withdrawal and was in shorter episodes once he'd had some "clarity."
The OW has to be gone by acceptance, or they're really not accepting any changes in themselves, but still clinging to a drug. HOWEVER, the feelings for her, again, take at least a year after Acceptance to subside (though they don't come up as often as they did before).
My H's relationship talks began in Withdrawal, but it was very important mainly to listen, and to keep expectations down, because the next day he might feel quite differently.
If you feel he's nearing the end of the tunnel, you must be sure you have mastered detachment (the knowledge that you'll be just fine no matter what happens with him) for the strength to get through the next part, when a tidal wave of suppressed emotions suddenly floods you. Be strong. I hope you've got lots of GAL activities lined up for the weekend!
I am not sure if we are near the end of the tunnel but I notice and sense a change in him. More lightening of his mood, smiling and interacting with the children like he used to. Looking much better less drawn and grey. I am staying detached and giving him his space to continue his journey and I am at peace with that now.
I have to admit I am anxious about when the realtionship talks start as I don't want to get it wrong so any advice is very welcome.
Oddly enough it is only now over the last couple of weeks that I have mastered detachment completely. I know I will be ok whatever path I have to walk with the children.
OW continues to lurk on the sidelines at the moment. Opting in occasionally.
H is reconnecting now with all the family and some friends. He has rung his aunt ho he hasn't spoken to in 2 years and also my nephew who hasn't seen him for 7 months. No reconnection with me at the moment.
His depression appears much less with more smiles and interaction with the children.
His spending is less though I don't know whether it is enough to save the business.
He still withdraws and I remain detached with more patience found to continue my journey. The journey down the tunnel for H continues at a slow but positive pace.
Libby, It sounds like his moments of clarity are more frequent these days. This is good. Continue doing what you've been doing. Patience and compassion are two very important keys right now.
How are you doing?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly for your insight. It is always welcome.
I am becoming more detached as the days march on. Initially it was difficult but it does get easier.
Interestingly over the last week or two I tend to think of me instead of us. I am starting to identify things for me in the future rather than for us in the future.
I am getting out and about and finding the old me whilst watching H whizz pass on his rollercoaster.
I have now realised that this is a journey of discovery for me too.
Libby, You've learned the lessons well and very quickly. You will be surprised at what you learn along this journey, i.e., things you've forgotten that you enjoyed, new adventures, new connections are made and you will also learn to smile again. Life will look so different to you now that the rose colored glasses have been removed and you are seeing things more clearly each and every day.
Continue what you've been doing!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H continues to reconnect slowly with family and friends.
This week he has gone very quiet again. I know reconnection is part of withdrawal. It seems to me that he has made a number of steps quite quickly over the past 3-4 weeks. Do they need to consolidate what they have learnt and the progress they have made hence the non communication for a week? As far as I know he hasn't connected with anyone including the children.
