Fast track to her divorcing me

[Cautious]

I just hope the anger and resentment is dealt with in a healthy way at some point for you, g450.

And, with all that extra info, it kind of sounds like your W is/was/is again in an identity crisis? Like she has no idea who she is, or how to define herself by name recognition alone? That sure must be hard too.

[g450]

Yes it sounds that way but she will tell you she knows exactly what she wants. She just doesnt feel the need to justify or explain any of it to anyone. And I now understand that may now actually be the case.

Im not really as angry or bitter as I sound here in the forums.
My Empathy vs Anger towards her is something on the scale of 99 to 1.

My anger is actually more like an annoyance now. And half that anger is at myself for not seeing things earlier and not being a better husband.

I think of her as an ill person now. It's not my loving wife that abandoned me, it was the alien.

Anyway I have found things to take my mind off this. Im single now and every single decision I make from now on is all mine. This is in sharp contrast to how my life has been for the past 23 years. It's hard to fathom sometimes. Im just now starting to wrap my head around this new found freedom and it does feel good at times.

The nice part is that Im older now and mature enough to not throw it into the winds of enfatuation.

[jasper67]

Sounds like you're pretty good...W removed my last name from you FB account- I will use your method of not reaching out- I like that.

Keep getting stronger and enjoy yourself!

[dday101798]

The name thing is ever so intrigueing.

My (x)W immediately changed her name back to her maiden after the D. When I asked why so quick she sighted it as out fo respect for me and that I had in fact requested her to do so quite a few times when the A went full blown and the D threat was emminent.

[Cautious]

Aw, but infatuation is fun sometimes. And unpredictable. I love when my brain starts producing feel-good chemicals. After all, without them, I'd be on anti depressants.

In all seriousness, though, it DOES feel good to make your own decisions when you've always had to clear them with someone else previously. I'll admit that one of the most euphoric moments of my past month was being able to buy a hawaiian pizza instead of pepperoni - and I actually got to have it DELIVERED!

Enjoy your freedom, g450. You deserve to.

[g450]

While on the subject...

I talked to my XW yesterday and just out of the blue she tells me that she hasnt had a chance to change her drivers license etc to her fashionable new name.

Now mind you that she has had over a month to do this.

And why is she voluteering this info to me? Why did she think I even cared? Hmmmm?

As dday said before, it aint over after the D. Sometimes the games continue long after.

And as far as the freedom is concerned, I havent really done anything crazy (yet) except date a friend (girl but not girlfriend).

Besides, I just cant afford skydiving lessons right now LOL.

Now I have had a few women flirt with me. Yes those chemicals are nice arent they? And they will kill a depression in a second flat. The more I think about other woman the less I think about my XW. But that is a dangerous road to travel this early after a divorce.

But it's nice to know that a 47 year old man with a beer belly can still be attractive to some ladies.

But Im treading softly in that area now. I have had enough drama in my life this year to last me for eons so Im taking a big fat chill pill while I travel that long road towards Detachmentville.

[Cautious]

It's hard to combat lonliness. I always think "Sure, it would be easier just to hop on board the [guy's name here] train and ride off into the sunset" but I know better. My marriage, the history we've shared, the child I love is worth it.

The offers for dates... eh, they're just flattery. I know I'm not over ExCautious enough to give any of them a fair chance, so why hurt someone else out of pain or spite?

I guess what helped me, as you'll see above, is doing the little things I couldn't before... giving myself a pedicure, ordering a pizza, the best though was driving myself to work, as we had to share a car previously.

Starting small, what kind of "smell the roses" type of small joy can you find?

[g450]

Well I guess flirting has helped and hanging out with my family and friends. Boating and BBQs are my main weekend thing now.

The thing that has helped me detach the most is going out with my female friend. And we are constantly texting each other about what is going on in our lives. We are each others shoulders and ears.

And the beauty of it is that we are friends who trust each other but respect each others situations to not get involved with each other either emotionally or physically. She set a strong boundry with me in that regard so I treat her like a guy friend with a few exceptions.

But because she is a woman and in a similar sitch as me she has been invaluable to me. Hell she is even teaching me how to buy clothes and dress correctly etc LOL. Lots of stuff I need to re-learn if Im going to be out there and single.

Still though, I hate the idea of dating so will hold off as long as I can bear it. Like you, I really want my X back but she has made it crystal clear that this is never going to happen. So either way I have to detach more and go on with my life. So that's my plan Stan.

[jasper67]

Cautios, I hear you loud and clear...I'm in the same boat- not yet emotionally available, but def accepting of flattery...

The question is for how long is this OK? I know you have a little one, so perhaps you can hold out longer...myself- not until I'm truly OK being alone and not at all uncomfortable w/ the idea of someone else...

[Cautious]

I think if it's meant to be it will be. Idealistic maybe, but if the right person happens along into your life it will feel so natural you won't even think about it happening. You won't have to force anything and you certainly won't be thinking about your ex at all. That's pretty much when it's been long enough.