The child's mother says I am welcome to come even though she hadn't called to invite me, because she just didn't know how to handle it.
Not knowing how to handle it, not knowing what to say to your extended family is tough, on both sides.
In my case, I didn't want to lose my relationship with my in-laws but accepted it may be a possibility. I definitely did NOT want my children to lose their connection with their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandmother.
A divorce wreaks havoc not just for the couple, not just for the children but for the whole extended family. No one knows what's right to do.
When talking to his sisters and mom, I'd say that I would like to still be involved but respected the importance of family. That I did not want to tread on anyone's toes. That I didn't want the kids to miss out on any family activities. That whatever worked for them, worked for me.
That removed any sense of conflict. This first year is going to be tough. Accept that everyone's nerves are frayed and no one really knows what to do.
Figure out what is right for you. For me, it was telling them they were important to me, that I respected the importance of his family being at his side during a difficult period. Then I sat back.
My kids kept in touch with their cousins. They'd come spend a few days together. I made sure never to say icky things. And things are settled now.
I think part of it is realizing that it's tough for everyone. Everyone loses in divorce. And with calm and patience, what is important with the whole family won't be lost.
