Starting Over (Again)

[Cautious]

I agree with everything you said, g450, just see it slightly different because of my own obsessive, needy, and generally anti-DBing behavior previously. He's doing exactly what I did, and I'm relishing in it, perhaps too much. Now the shoe is on the other foot and he's the needy one.

My goals... well I'm still fence sitting, overall, with the hopefulness that he will realize how much he loves me. Not that the changes aren't for me, but always optimistic that the changes will open his eyes to what I see is already there.

Here's the phone thing: Keeping him blocked means I won't answer the phone. Period. He can leave a message and it will teach me to think before I speak (as I have NEVER had much practice at that and often interupt speakers. I'm a terrible listener). That works on the days that ExCautious doesn't have S5. However, when he DOES, S5 can't call me, technically. Then again, S5 knows how to leave a message, since ExCautious refused to take calls from my number for a long time also. In addition, I don't know when the call comes in who will be on that line. Am I in for an ambush or a pleasant chat with my son? I know ExCautious is getting angry and he's going to blow up at any moment. I just still haven't figured out how to navigate that minefield because, previously, I WAS the minefield. And he managed to trip a few bombs himself, so I'm not learning much from his behavior.

I definitely used S5 to contact ExCautious before. However, (though not a good excuse) I had no idea how to handle childcare without ExCautious. We had always traded shifts, and I allowed him to be Commander In Charge Of Discipline. Suddenly, I had to be both parents and I got lost figuring the whole thing out. So it wouldn't surprise me if ExCautious was doing the same. We have a lot in common

All in all, I appriciate your feedback. I'm trying to do what's right for me, given my mishaps of the past and my goals for the future, but I feel like every now and then, the footholds are giving out.