My Story...grass is greener (pt 3)

[nsw1222]

So basically you used your first ex as an emotional sounding and venting board while still being "hung up on her" and wondered why you were unable to change anything with your current ex?

Again, you like to blame your ex an awful lot but bits and pieces about what you were doing come out and things make more sense.

My point about the unemployment was if you can't find a job now what makes you think you will find one once your unemployment runs out? Again, a perfectly reasonable question that most probably will be brought up during the custody talks.

If your ex constantly threatened you with leaving then clearly she was unhappy for a very long time. What solutions did you present to her instead of just asking her NOT to do something?

My current ex is the only ex I've been referring to in my posts. Not sure if you thought I was referring to different people or not.

And she may have been unhappy for a long time...I didnt really see it as being unhappy. She never once sat down with me in a calm and reasonable fashion said she was unhappy and she wanted to work on things. Any time she said anything it was done by screaming and pouting...essentially throwing a tantrum because she wasnt getting her way. I wanted her to stay home with her family instead of going to the bars...and it wasnt even all the time that I wanted that. I know some people have to go out and drink to relax...but once or twice a month isnt unreasonable instead of going off and having her fun while I sat at home with the baby.

As far as the unemployment goes...there may indeed not be a job once it runs out. But like I said I'm not going to go to McDonalds and work just so I can say I'm not on unemployment when it will end up causing me to not be able to make ends meet.

It sounds to me as if you were fine living in such a R because you didn't want to be alone. Because adults don't fly into rages and the other partner continue to tolerate it when there are other options.

It sounds like you didn't want to do the work then and you don't want to do it now. If she didn't want to do the work then, well, her choice and you would have had some decisions to make.

To answer your question when your partner flies in to a rage and makes threats when you express the desire to better the life of the family you either (A) request counseling with the partner (B) work to change things on your own (C) end the R or (D) choose to live in a state of unhappiness. And if you were constantly turning to your exGF #1 then you were in fact very unhappy.

As far as solutions I offered, we got into counseling briefly but she went kicking and screaming and to this day calls counselors "whackjobs"...even saying "I'm not going to go to another whackjob" when I suggested counseling in the past few months. We stoppped going because I lost my insurance and even with insurance the copays were outrageous. Had I known then what I know now I would have likely kept paying even if it did drain me of my funds.

I could have just gotten out of the house every day as if I were going to work...but I mean what the hell is wrong with that picture? I'm forced to leave my own house every day, wasting gas money and so forth, even though I have no where to go just so she can gallavant around town with D3 and because she cant deal with her own issues of jealousy and anger?

With the way she acted and reacted...she essentially reduced me to a sperm donor and babysitter.

Despite that, I would not have ended the relationship...not until D3 was much much older at least. I'm not the kind of person to just give up when times get tough. I wasnt going to end the relaitonship then because I knew what the consequences to D3 would have been and I was not going to do that to her. I tolerated it because I hoped that one day she would change...that she would go to a psychiatrist like she said she would when she got health insurance...but I think that was just talk. I mean if she considered counselors whackjobs, no telling what she thinks about psychiatrists.

And again...I think theres a misunderstanding...I wasnt turning to anyone else due to any issues in my R with my ex. That would be an emotional affair of sorts and I wouldnt do that to anyone I care about either.

Duh! She worked almost every day while you basically just hung around the house. She had a right to be pissed.

She has a right to be pissed at me...because I am unemployed? I sure as hell didnt choose to be unemployed...had therenot been a reduction in force I would still be working at my job now.

You could have asked her what she thought and felt rather than demanding that she stay home with you and your D. If you would have made things more comfortable for her and shared in the burden of working she wouldn't have had an issue with coming home to you. Nobody wants to come home to a nag.

She doesnt like to talk...it always ends up with her having me give in or else. And very few people like to live with someone who goes out all the time.

Again understandable. She worked all the time and wanted a little time for herself. But you didn't and still don't get that.

No...if she wanted to spend her vacation doing whatever...thats fine...but its not an issue worth breaking up ones family over. Of course I guess all the nights she spent at the bar, or over at her friends house starting to cozy up to the OM, D3 and I were sitting there with her and she had not time to herself. I mean it isnt as if she spent every waking minute with either of us.

So I'm assuming the unemployment is enough to cover things like health insurance too if your D gets sick? Or a 401K to save a little on the side for her education?

Actually in our state childrens health insurance is covered by the state. And I still have a savings account for her college that I've made deposits into now and again.


And no...her doing things with D3 (or D1 as she was back then) wasnt for D3...she stook her places but not in the vein of spending quality time with her. Our daughter was like an accessory to her that she took places without regard to whether she needed to or should. Even now...she'll take D3 with her to the store...but instead of letting her ride in the cart as she shops, she drops her off at the kids center. If you're gonna do that, why even bring her?