My H and I separated on 1/1/10, but he didn't take any of his things that day. He has been back several times to get clothes, a computer, and some other things. I offered a couple times to help my H pack, but this offer did not go over well. One time he said, "The last thing I want to do is ask you to help me pack my things." Another time he made a comment about my doing too much for other people and that he could do it himself. I discontinued any offers of help (even of bringing mail to him) because I didn't want to frustrate him further.
My H escapes from problems, too, but there was no stopping him from going to stay at my in-laws' house.
In my situation, my H knows where I stand on our being physically separated. I've been working on making my interactions with him authentic and avoiding pretending that nothing is wrong (tried to be positive and upbeat, and it didn't work).
One thing I haven't done is issue an ultimatum (e.g., go ahead, but I may or may not be available). IN MY SITUATION, that would have reinforced my H's belief that I behaved as if I'd be fine with or without him.
When my H and I first separated, I told him that I would do anything to make this work. I meant it, and I'm determined to make good on this promise. This means hanging in there and proving my commitment to him and our marriage. I toyed with the idea of taking off my wedding set, but then I realized that that would be sending a message that I didn't mean it when I said I would do anything to make it work.
