Too Late For Us?

[mrbt]

Hello All. I think this post will be a journal entry rather than a question. I am sitting in an airport and have six hours to wait. I have a lot of time to think.

I want to say "thank you" to everyone that has replied to my posts here. Its all been very helpful but, unfortunately, as the thread's title suggests, it's too late for us. I wish I had discovered and understood the concept of DB back in June of 2009. Maybe things would have been different - maybe not.

It's time to start thinking about where to go from here. I will most likely sign the divorce papers this week. After the papers are signed, a court date will be scheduled (have no idea how long this takes). I need to give 45 days notice on the apartment W lives in. I suspect she will move out of state but, at least for the next month or so, I think she will stay put.

Right now I am a little numb - a little sad. I don't think the full weight of what is happening will hit me until she actually moves away. For now, it feels surreal - like a bad dream.

I don't know what I will say when I see her on Sunday. We are still friendly but our time together has become very awkward. At times I can live in the moment and things feels normal - we enjoy each others company. Then something will be said, maybe a reference to our non-future, and its back to reality.

What do I do now? I don't know. I think I will take some time to let the brain-fog lift.