LR, I'm glad that I'm not alone in my experience with the H "hating" the house! After we moved in, he was so proud of the possibilities and potential--he would walk friends/family through it, talking about things he and I could do with it once we sorted through my mother's things and organized our things.
Now cut to the last couple (or more years)--H has been lethargic and unmotivated, and he could make a mess like someone was paying him to do it (imagine the Pigpen character from the Charlie Brown comic strip). I also could create my own special kind of clutter, so I cannot portray that I was blameless. It is important to note that although this frustrated me, I never loved him any less. The mess was very easy for me to overlook, and it seemed like it was easy for him to do that, too.
My H also started projects that he never finished, which contributed to the domestic chaos. One example is his "bathroom renovation" idea. One Saturday morning, he watched a 30-minute home improvement show where a couple made over their bathroom. I guess he thought, "Hey--they could create a cool new bathroom in 30 minutes. I could do that, too!" Then he ran to the garage for some power tool, raced upstairs, and cut a hole (roughly the size of a closet door) into the dry wall of one of our bathrooms. After he completed the cutting, he made the comment that it might take a little longer to do this than he originally thought. It actually did take a little longer than he thought. One year and seven months later, he decided to work on it once again. Again, this frustrated me, and I didn't like having an open hole in a bathroom. Despite this, I still loved him even though I didn't always love his choices. At this time, it is no longer a gaping hole, but it's not much more than a boxed-in hole (he put plywood on the three sides of the "new closet" he created. By the way, we had no shortage of closets).
If my H chooses to come back, we'll have to come to some agreements on housekeeping and tidying. However, the good news is that the place looks really attractive right now. As I was moving furniture, I did some good cleaning. Now we have some beautiful renovations, and the house is the cleanest and most clutter-free that he's ever seen it (and since my mother bought the house in 1989!). These changes could make my H feel better about returning. I guess only time will tell!
