The last of the hardwood floor was laid today, and it looks so great. I am so proud of the work (though I had nothing to do with it except for moving around furniture one room at a time). Now I just have to think about bathtub and dishwasher repair. I also have to find a sack of money to pay to repair those two things.
H texted this morning, which made me happy. I've been doing most of the texting lately, and I know that he's appreciated that. However, he initiated it today to talk about a movie trailer he'd seen.
He also texted this evening with some silliness (I welcomed the silliness) and then asked if he could come by to get some mail. I agreed that he could come by. I had the door open so that he could come on in, which he did. He knew that the back doors were being replaced this week but didn't know the floors were going in yet. [I wanted it to be a surprise.] He was blown away by it. He walked around the downstairs a few times just taking it all in.
He gave me one of those long squeezy hugs, and I just melted right into it and squeezed back (a 180 from what I'd been doing since the separation). I said, "You look great." He responded, "So do you." [This is the first time this has happened since the separation!] He sat and chatted for a good while and then said he would get back to his mother's (exhausted after a long, stressful day). We both stood, and he gave me an even tighter and longer hug. He took a deep breath (smelling my hair? gathering his strength?) as we hugged, and I close-lipped kissed his neck (another 180 for me). He hung on for a few moments longer after this. As he was leaving, he said, "I'll talk to you this weekend." This is different from many of our last partings. Since the separation, he has said, "I'll see you/talk to you soon." I hope this is a good difference!
Several minutes after he left, he texted, "The house looks great. U should be very happy." I responded that I was very happy and that the changes were long overdue. [Recall that he was overwhelmed by the house and felt like it had not changed since we moved in here. Maybe too much like my mother had had it.] I also said that I was glad to see him. He responded, "Thanks, it was good to see u too." Ha! What a huge improvement! He hasn't said/texted anything like that since he's been gone.
I will take these small victories as they come, but I also have to remember not to get too hopeful or confident yet. I am happier tonight than I've been in a while. I have some great home improvements, and I feel good about another week of interactions with H. I am very ready for the weekend so that I can rest, rearrange my furniture, and vacuum all the sawdust from the new flooring. Boxer dog and I have had the sneezes for several days now.
I wonder where one would find a Feng Shui consultant? I might have an easier time finding an exorcist.
LOL. Just google your city and feng shui consultant. I'm guessing you'll find loads.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
This has been such a long week, and I'm glad that it's finally the weekend. I've had a pretty good week, but I'm beat from surviving home construction, moving furniture, sweeping/vacuuming sawdust, and being deprived of adequate sleep. I think it's time to retire to the bed with a silly book (total fluff--the new Chelsea Handler book). Maybe tomorrow I will get most of the house back in order. Though I'm glad the work is done, I have not enjoyed the furniture maze this week! Boxer dog has been traumatized from the contractors, the noise, the change, and the temporary lack of available sleeping surfaces. We'll both be glad when things are back to normal.
Well it all sound quite a constructive week, one thing that came out from our sep was H hated our house ironically he and S were quite good when we first moved in it was brand new ten years ago! Then they got lazier I was working full time and it got untidier, then I left my job to be housemum again but never quite got on top of things before H left, the irony being he said he wouldn't tidy up because it took too long, he never understood the concept of putting one thing away and it would tidy itself. The biggest irony is he has spent the last week doing a fab job of tidying the study so we are organised for when he is back at work! WAS you have just gotta love em eh
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
LR, I'm glad that I'm not alone in my experience with the H "hating" the house! After we moved in, he was so proud of the possibilities and potential--he would walk friends/family through it, talking about things he and I could do with it once we sorted through my mother's things and organized our things.
Now cut to the last couple (or more years)--H has been lethargic and unmotivated, and he could make a mess like someone was paying him to do it (imagine the Pigpen character from the Charlie Brown comic strip). I also could create my own special kind of clutter, so I cannot portray that I was blameless. It is important to note that although this frustrated me, I never loved him any less. The mess was very easy for me to overlook, and it seemed like it was easy for him to do that, too.
My H also started projects that he never finished, which contributed to the domestic chaos. One example is his "bathroom renovation" idea. One Saturday morning, he watched a 30-minute home improvement show where a couple made over their bathroom. I guess he thought, "Hey--they could create a cool new bathroom in 30 minutes. I could do that, too!" Then he ran to the garage for some power tool, raced upstairs, and cut a hole (roughly the size of a closet door) into the dry wall of one of our bathrooms. After he completed the cutting, he made the comment that it might take a little longer to do this than he originally thought. It actually did take a little longer than he thought. One year and seven months later, he decided to work on it once again. Again, this frustrated me, and I didn't like having an open hole in a bathroom. Despite this, I still loved him even though I didn't always love his choices. At this time, it is no longer a gaping hole, but it's not much more than a boxed-in hole (he put plywood on the three sides of the "new closet" he created. By the way, we had no shortage of closets).
If my H chooses to come back, we'll have to come to some agreements on housekeeping and tidying. However, the good news is that the place looks really attractive right now. As I was moving furniture, I did some good cleaning. Now we have some beautiful renovations, and the house is the cleanest and most clutter-free that he's ever seen it (and since my mother bought the house in 1989!). These changes could make my H feel better about returning. I guess only time will tell!
If you do get to reconciliation, lead on not taking on too many do-it-yourself or other unnecessary projects that are "good in theory" but will just make him feel like a failure when not seen through. We don't have to start every good idea we don't have the time to complete. I"m guilty of being a starter (and not a finisher) sometimes and I know the discouragement that comes with it. Have a good weekend with boxer dog!
What you said makes so much sense to me: "We don't have to start every good idea we don't have the time to complete." I just hope I can one day help teach my H this! He is impulsive when it comes to things like that. Then throw in a little depression, which makes it hard to get motivated. It's quite the combination.
Now that my construction is done, I have the overwhelming urge to have more done to the house. The good part of that is that my H could have a part in that if he wants. The even better part is that now I have a trustworthy, talented contractor/handyman who also happens to be a family friend. He can head the jobs, and H and I can assist as necessary.
Boxer dog and I had a great weekend. I was just too short! The house is coming back together, but Boxer dog is slightly traumatized by the new dust mop purchased to keep the new hardwood floors tidy. In all fairness, though, he has a lot of fears that extend beyond dust mops.
I've had some good, friendly text contacts with H today. I'll keep going down this path for as long as it works!
I wouldn't involve your H in renovations. It would be pursuing and acting like you assume a future together.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
