So basically you used your first ex as an emotional sounding and venting board while still being "hung up on her" and wondered why you were unable to change anything with your current ex?
Again, you like to blame your ex an awful lot but bits and pieces about what you were doing come out and things make more sense.
My point about the unemployment was if you can't find a job now what makes you think you will find one once your unemployment runs out? Again, a perfectly reasonable question that most probably will be brought up during the custody talks.
If your ex constantly threatened you with leaving then clearly she was unhappy for a very long time. What solutions did you present to her instead of just asking her NOT to do something?
It sounds to me as if you were fine living in such a R because you didn't want to be alone. Because adults don't fly into rages and the other partner continue to tolerate it when there are other options.
It sounds like you didn't want to do the work then and you don't want to do it now. If she didn't want to do the work then, well, her choice and you would have had some decisions to make.
To answer your question when your partner flies in to a rage and makes threats when you express the desire to better the life of the family you either (A) request counseling with the partner (B) work to change things on your own (C) end the R or (D) choose to live in a state of unhappiness. And if you were constantly turning to your exGF #1 then you were in fact very unhappy.
