My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we have two beautiful daughters ages 7 and 3. I thought things were going well, but about 8 months ago, she began an emotional affair with a married man from our church who usually does not work during the day. While I have been off working, she has been spending hours with him on the phone and also going to parks and other places with him during the day, including his house with the excuse that they wanted to get the kids together to play. We homeschool and so do they. He would also fix things around our house.
About a year and a half ago, he started a friendship with my wife (supposedly because he suffers depression and since my wife has a degree in psychology, he thought she could help him). But after awhile he seemed to be putting some moves on my wife, such as making an effort to hug her (while I was at work), taking her and the kids to Olive Garden and sitting by her (while I was at work), taking her and the kids to Jumping Jacks and going down the slide with her (while I was at work). At the time, she was not that attracted to him and we both agreed that all this should stop. We informed him, and for a time, it did stop. But like a moth around the flame, he gradually returned to his old ways and apparently my wife started to fall for him.
How do you know all of this? Your post says, about all of those incidents, "while I was at work." Did you get intel on this, or is this how your wife recounted the incidents to you?
Ken, it seems to me that your wife was looking for your help in fending off this predator, here:
Quote:
At the time, she was not that attracted to him and we both agreed that all this should stop. We informed him, and for a time, it did stop. But like a moth around the flame, he gradually returned to his old ways and apparently my wife started to fall for him.
When it re-ignited, your weak-ass response here:
Quote:
One day I came home and he was sitting right next to my wife on our backyard swing. They admitted that they were sitting a little close when I expressed my concern about it.
You "expressed concern?" Um, hello??? A man who your wife has ALREADY ADMITTED is hitting on her, is at your house, during the day when you are at work, sitting next to her on the swing, and you "expressed concern"???
I suggest that your wife has lost quite a bit of respect for you through these WEAK responses to her infidelity. Many cheating spouses are actually crying out for HELP to their spouses, and for ATTENTION, and to know that they still MATTER to them. When a man, especially, doesn't respond to this in a strong and forceful way, he conveys a lack of love and protection for his wife.
Since women tie their feelings of love very closely with their feelings of respect (it is difficult, if not impossible, for a woman to be in love with a man she doesn't respect), I think your wife is losing love for you through these weak, timid responses to her infidelity.
Allen can give you all of the step-by-step, but until you face this brutal reality, and summon up the courage to deal with it head-on, I'm afraid his advice for you is going to fall on deaf ears.
