The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

The last point is a good one Awest. One of the problems lately has been bad timing. I keep getting stuff on the D on days I'm going to have the girls and it's really hard to just wash it away and enjoy the night with them.

The last part, changing so that I'm are happy being with myself. Tough one. I accuse my W of constantly searching for something to make her happy instead of just being happy.

I think I'm happy with myself. I have a good career and coworkers who value what I do and actually think I'm capable of doing more.

I have very good friends -- I didn't know how good until this situaiton arose -- all over the country who have rallied to help me.

I'm happy with how I look and feel -- well, not this weekend -- and I'm still doing things I did when I was 25. Old age hasn't got me yet.

I'm even somewhat happy with how I set myself up after being tossed out. Things are calming down with the neighbor. This is a nice apartment. I've found a good church. Second jobs. Filled my nights up with activities.

Now that spring is here I'll be able to get out and play golf and go on bike rides. I love to be moving.

I do really, really, really miss my family though. And I feel like I have something to give someone. Part of it is actually going out on dates and having someone show interest again. Maybe when that starts happening I'll either really like it or pull back.

It's not like it's been just 10 months for me. Something happened in W's heart in January 2007 so that although we still ML occasionally and were together every night, she had no interest in me. She never asked about work, what my friends were doing, if something was wrong. She was so wrapped up in her unhappiness and trying to push me away.

So in a way it's been more than three years since I felt a female was interested in me.

In general, I handle stress much better than W so I have that going for me when I'm with the girls. I don't handle sadness better though. W is a rock. Impenetrable. If she has doubts at all, she's not letting the girls see it. I am an open book and I do need to toughen up a bit.