Good morning, CW; jumped on to check on you this morning.
Quote:
Got home and the kids said he had been rummaging looking for an mp3 charger so am thinking he may have see my DB book and or the budget/finances that I had been working on...don't know that for sure...it also had my notes from DB coach in it...wondering if that was really what he was looking for?
Doubt he was looking for that stuff with the fog/whatnot, it's kinda out of sight out of mind; but try not to let him stumble over that stuff...it's ALWAYS taken wrong, no matter what we KNOW it's for. They sometimes do their own brand of "snooping"...even though my husband had OW, he was looking hard at me....and I hadn't done a thing. And because I hadn't and didn't done/do anything, it seemed to make things worse. I hid EVERYTHING from him that had to do with MLC Resources and all.
Your husband has moved out, and has filed for a divorce, CW; he really doesn't have the right to be rummaging anywhere in your house..he needs to call and ask you if he needs something.
Doesn't matter if he yells and screams about that if you choose to confront...that would be part of his consequences if you did...it appears to me that he's rummaging AS IF he STILL lives there, and really does need to be called on it, if he repeats the episode; especially if needing something from you.
I realize you might not want to say anything right now in the frame of mind he's in..but if you CATCH HIM directly...now that would be a different story.
Yet, you know your situation better than anyone..and you would know/have an idea of how he'd react to you.
Question here; what would you do about something similar in the past? Do you confront, or do you let it go all of the time?
These are "180" question thoughts.
IMHO, when he left the household, took on OW, and filed for a divorce, that changed the rules entirely...he would NOT be very happy if you did this to him, so why do this to you?
And he was with the kids, well, now that tells me a great deal there...he took advantage of them..to them he is still "Dad"..and therefore not to be questioned.
Sneaky people, MLC'ers think they are...
I'm just talking off the cuff....maybe you'll get something out of these ramblings.
This would become a "boundary" situation, ESPECIALLY if he allows the divorce to go through. It is up to you, whether to confront him, or let it go until the divorce is final, if he allows it to go that far. But my thoughts are, the sooner he is allowed to face his consequences, the sooner he will realize, even though he may rant and rave, that things HAVE changed, and he is NO LONGER a "part" of the family; he has chosen his path.
What do you think, as I cannot tell you what to do, only post what I'm thinking?
Quote:
Apparently he is going to help SS28 pull out carpet tomorrow. I am amzed...he didn't say anything to the kids about spending time with them this weekend..they said he might stop by tomorrow!
Take that with a grain of salt, this being between him and the children and just watch; sometimes that is all you can do. Expectations at ZERO..that way if he doesn't follow through, the disappointment is not there. If he does come by and spend time with the children, that would be great. If not, then let it go; you cannot make him do this.
Quote:
Also, he made a comment to them about "doesn't Mom cook anymore?" because I had taken them to get burgers last night afterwork since I was beat and cupboards were basically empty until I got paid and groceries today! Grrrr...
Reasonable question, but also tells me he was "rummaging" in several places, not just one. Thinks he's sneaky, does he? Let this one go, CW..you KNOW the truth, and that is the only thing that matters here.
Don't take ANYTHING he says/does personally..continue to detach and distance from his drama; treating him like the stranger from up the street; being polite to him; though you'd like to tear his throat out. I remember those days, believe me, I do.
Breathe in, girl, Breathe out; it's ok. Don't allow him to upset you. It's not worth all that.
Remember it's MLC, and therefore confusing in itself.
Have a great weekend.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
