If Not Now, When?

[LolaL]

LOL I think we are all living parallel lives. I am signed up on three dating sites, and to be honest I don't even check them that often. I want to keep the possibility out there, but have had some show interest and have said...yeah. No.

I'll keep them up for sh!ts and giggles, but thats it.

[kat727]

Hey I am dropping a check in the mail today. Hopefully you will get it early next week. I can't imagine you would get it tomorrow but who knows! I did two luminaries which equals more walking for you. Thanks.

kat

[BobbiJo]

Sweet Kat, thanks! That makes 19 luminaries, so I am walking 19 miles!! I am excited and I appreciate your support...

[ClingingToHope]

I've got the opposite situation going on. D11 is very down about the D. In the car the other day she said I should join eHarmony and forget about mom. A couple weeks ago she told me she wanted to go see this doctor in part because she's cute and not married. And then yesterday, I asked about the new after-school baby sitter. I screened them on the phone but W is meeting them. D11 said the one she's met is nice and a brunette and gave me a big smile. I told her once that almost all of the women I've been involved with -- including W were brunettes, blondes never really went for me.

I keep telling her there's no rush. I'm waiting until things are officially over with W and I.

[BobbiJo]

My kids would freak if I had a boyfriend/was seeing someone at this point. They can't handle that yet. Not sure I can, either! Looking more for friendship at this point...

Just got home from 11 hours at the High School for State Speech. It was so awesome! I think I sat down for maybe 1 hour total today, broken into 6-minute increments for kids I watched compete.

I am excited, Russ my high school classmate/head coach told me I get to go to All State with the kids who make it to that level. Only a select few go from State to All State. We will take a van to Cedar Falls, several hours from here in NE Iowa. Involves an overnight hotel trip with high school kids! Still, I can't wait.


Headed out now to a benefit, should be a lot of fun. My feet are going to hate me in the morning. Heck, they aren't really fond of me right now!

[ClingingToHope]

Speech is dead in this area. We don't have any debate teams either. Congratulations. For extra money this winter I was the official scorekeeper for one of the high schools. I'm friends with the head basketball coach and athletic director. It's energizing working with kids.

[BobbiJo]

CTH: I agree. Working with kids is very energizing. I was on my feet for 11 hours yesterday after getting less than 3 hours sleep and I didn't even care, it was so much fun!

UGH.....this is cry-fest 2010 around here...

Need to pull it together. Part could be hormones, I don't know...yesterday I was watching one of our kids do Sophie's Choice for her Prose performance and I started crying! Of course the subject matter was sad and I related to the lead having a little boy and girl, but still!

Then Dan was supposed to have the kids today. Once again, we don't have set times (not even in the decree), just set days.

So I asked if he was coming to church, he said no. I called after church, he said he was 'on his way'. He came twenty minutes later...it is frustrating not to know what to expect.

We had spoken briefly last night. I told him I wanted to review a few things with him re. the new schedule and dividing up the last of our stuff.

[For back information, he had said he wanted to start following the decree this Wednesday-Sunday. Again, we haven't said anything about pick up/drop off times. Plus, I know for a fact he didn't make arrangements with the day care for the kids Thurs and Fri mornings. Which, he would need if he keeps the kids overnight during a school week. I don't need to rescue him but I do want to make sure my kids are provided for.

So I want to set a procedure for picking up/exchanging the kids. I also want to confirm which things he is taking out of the house so I can finish reclaiming my space. For example he has a deep freeze, some lumber, and tools in the garage. I want them out so I can park my car in the garage by the time tornado season rolls around next month.]

So today he gets here and

Me: When can we review the info

Him: Thought we would talk tonight

Me: After kids are in bed?

Him: No that isn't necessary.

Me: I don't think it appropriate to talk about with them

Him: Well they were with your parents for two days and I haven't seen them for a week so I didn't want them to go soemwhere while we talk

Me: Ok then never mind



Him: See, this is what always happens. You ask, I give you an answer, and you don’t like it. So you just tell me how you want it to go.

Me: I just don’t think it is a good idea to talk about dividing our things and splitting them between houses in front of them (they were out heading to his car at this point).

Dan: I don’t think it is a big deal. It isn’t like they will be sitting there staring at us listening. They can play while we talk.

(I know my kids, and Nathan will keep one ear open at all times if he thinks we are having a conversation at all related to us, our Marriage/Divorce, etc)

I got teary at this point out of frustration, because it is so true. We do repeat the same pattern, bc HE thinks that if I don’t agree with him, I am being difficult!?!

I just give up, I can’t win. I am crying again just trying to type it out………

I start out having what I think it a logical, calm conversation and then the minute I don’t agree with something he says, he gets this look of disappointment/resignation on his face that says, “See, THIS is why I left you…” and I hate it.

I just never want to have to see or talk to him again and yet I do not have clue #1 what the plan is for my children. How could his house be done if he just got back from Mexico??

Am I packing a bag for them or giving him a box of half their clothes so they don’t have to pack a bag anymore?

Are they going to daycare after school on his days, or to his mom and dads? He just is not a ‘details’ guy, but Nathan will HAVE to know what he is doing after school each day so he knows where to go after school…

Ugh I am tired of thinking so I will stop. I just don’t know wth to do

[BobbiJo]

I think part of the problem is, I have bent over backward to make things go smoothly. I typed up a list of the things I put in storage already that were his and a list of things still at the house that should go to him and emailed it awhile back. I asked for a reply on the things still at the house so I knew the plan/time frame. (Tools, lumber, deep freeze, things I can't carry out to storage)

So I feel like I am doing an amazing job of not being difficult, bitchy, demanding, impossible, all the things that 'betrayed' exwives do...

Then I ask him for time to review final details and be done with this and he looks at me like I want too much??? That I am unreasonable?

This is what I want. ONE HOUR tops, just Dan and I. Somewhere quiet. Just to go down the checklist:

1)Ok are you taking the treadmill? No? Ok I will keep it.

2)Let's deide on kid's clothes. I think you should keep some at your house so they don't bring a bag all the time.

etc etc

You who FB me know I am she of the checklists and color-coded spreadsheets. I do not do 'fly by the seat of my pants' when it comes to dividing my kids lives in half!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I guess I am so upset because I KNOW I am not difficult, I know I have my kids' best interest at heart, and I hate hate hate feeling like I am somehow being difficult when I am really trying to be helpful and get things done...



And I am so pissed at myself for crying in front of him. Haven't done that in a long time. I HATE when my mom cries to me, and I hate crying in front of him.

[ClingingToHope]

Do you have to do it face-to-face? Why not just type it up in an email and go back and forth and then you have it in writing as well so you can refer to it if he forgets.

I absolutely avoid any face to face meetings with W.

Hey, how do I find you on FB? I love keeping up with Mishka in Georgia.

One thing I did -- really without W's blessing and I know she's not happy about it -- is figure out a way to swap kids without seeing her.

The school district buses the kids to my house during the week and then when the after school sitter gets home then I drop them off. The days they are with me the sitter comes to my house.

Then on Sunday nights, they just stay with me and I drive them to school the next day. They don't pack bags or anything like that. I just keep the clothes they have when here and clean it.

It won't work as well in the summer with camps and such, but I really like it during the year.

Perhaps there's a way you can figure that out. I remember after my parents divorced sitting there on weekends waiting for my dad. That just sucks for a kid.

W has told me she doesn't like the fact they stay with me on Sunday nights. The girls love it, though. It's a full weekend. My response was to ask her whether the girls get to see me on her weekends and she said no. And the conversation stops there.

Now, in her D proposal she wants me to bring them back on Sunday nights at 6 p.m.

No way. I'm not going through that whole scene where they get out of the car and go running into my old house. That's one thing that isn't going to happen. I'll fight that to the bitter end.

I must say there are a couple of things left at the house I need to get. In my case, I'm the LBS so I've dragged my feet getting them out.

In Dan's case, he should have gotten that out a long time ago. The next time the kids are with him, box it up and email him he needs to pick it up or it goes to the curb.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((BobbiJo)))))
Cedar Falls! My mom's parents were from NE Iowa, it's been years since I've been there, but the names of the towns are familiar still. We flew into Waterloo when we'd go to visit. They lived in Fayette County, so it's in the same neck of the woods. I hope you have a great time!

As far as Dan goes, I'm thinking maybe you could tell him what you are going to do rather than ask his opinion. If he disagrees, he can say something. Tell him you will be moving the stuff out of the garage in three weeks. Tell him you are sending a box of clothes for the kids, and it will be up to him to take care of keeping them clean, replacing them, or whatever needs to be done at his house. Tell him that on his days you will expect the kids to be picked up between X and Y, tell him when you expect them to be dropped off. Take charge of the situation!