I wanted to add that the therapist told me that her approach would be to confront my W and say to her "if your going to stay start making it work, if not start the moving on process, enough of games" her theory is the more positive change I make the more resentment my wife will have because it will force her to change as well and right now she is comfortable with being angry with me. The more "180s" I make the more my W will think "He was not like this before and now he want to change" therefor causing more resent toward me....
In all seriousness, although I've never heard the highlighted part expressed before, and I do think your therapist is FOS with her advice to you. But a betrayed spouse DOES need to address their spouse's "Why are you only changing NOW, now that I've (decided to leave you/had an affair/filed for divorce/whatever)." And they need to answer it in a serious way.
The best response is a sincere "I agree, there are things I wish I would have changed before. When I ________ , I know that hurt you, and I've apologized to you already for that. All I can do is try to become a better person, and do the right thing, regardless of what happens between us, and I've decided to do that."
