It will take A LOT of work. I have lived my life like this for 30 years. I think that is why it has been so hard for me to GAL and move forward with what I want for me. I feel like I've never lived like this. I have never let this be my choice----to make choices in my life that are all about what I want. I have been with my H since I was 14. It has only ALWAYS been about US. I thought when you loved someone it wasn't about what you wanted, but about giving that up for the one you loved. I KNOW now that this attitude is what got me HERE. This attitude led to my unhappiness, this led me to the mistakes in my marriage. Making this change----deep within myself will be the real task. All of this GAL and talk of moving forward is EASY. This seems monumental to me, but I know somehow it has to happen.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Today, on my work e-mail I have the following 2 emails:
1. You can decide if you're with me on this or not. It's a mistake of a lifetime not to encourage her. There's nothing more I can do. I have begged to both of you. I have proposed schedules. I have made time to leave work. Just mark my words. There will be a day when we look back and wish we had treated her differently. She is VERY, VERY gifted. It makes her special. It makes her a rock star. It will go away VERY soon if she decides to take it all casual. I'm available, but I'm done begging.
2. I apologize for my tone yesterday with respect to Abby. I know you completely support her pitching. I'm just frustrated with her.
_______________
I am with him as far as her talent----but WILL not force her to do this. When the kids stopped by his house after school to pick up the the things they needed he was visibly angry. Told D13 that it was a mistake not to pitch----and that she should "screw the book report" --- her excuse for wanting a pass. D16 said he had a freak out..........
Part of me wants to e-mail and tell him he doesn't owe me an apology----but owes her one, but I think I should let him figure that one out on his own. My 180 for the day-----to ignore.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I tried some damage control of my own last night----tried to tell D13 (who was visibly upset about making dad mad) that she is getting a lot of pitching time in, and that homework does need to come first. I also told her that she needs to be happy with what she does too----and that she doesn't need to do things just to make dad happy.................(which is what I'm working on myself).....don't know if it "sunk in." I can only hope that she doesn't feel like she has to give in and let him control her.............will concentrate on building her up to know that she is special---no matter what.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
There is something I learned: the relationship with the kids is his relationship ti the kids. I tried to give clues as to how he could connect better. I tried to relay the kids thoughts and he would yell saying that was me and not them. It was one of the hardest things to do.
My first priority is to my family and ex decided to not be part of that anymore.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hoping I get there.....took D13 to ortho today. H must have had it on his calendar (he took her last). He sent me a text telling me that money has been (finally) put into the flexible spending account, so there would be money there to pay for her appt. today..................I asked about it 3 times, seeing that it was almost empty, because the ortho auto withdraws from that account on a monthly basis. Last month it was overdrawn, so I had to change payment to come out of our VISA. He has no clue how these things work----despite my efforts to explain. I guess it's good the money is in there now..............didn't reply to the text.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
It's 40 and rainy......D13's first softball tournament of the season has been cancelled!!! I am so happy----I didn't want to sit out in the cold/rain and watch ball this weekend----and didn't want to have to end the NC with H........however, now it will be prom dress shopping with D16..............help??
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I know how that goes when you are relieved that kids events are cancelled. Enjoy your day off...even if you have to go prom dress shopping...good luck with that. My D went to the prom last year and I'm sure I will be taking her shopping again for a prom dress next month. It is fun but sometimes it can be difficult if they want something you don't necessarily approve of...and all of that for a dress that they will probably only wear once!
You sound like you are continuing to detach from your H's drama quite nicely and you are finally in a much better place. I am happy for you.
