Question

[awest1217]

Thanks Kalni! I know you have been through this before so I really appreciate your advice. My instincts were telling me all week that he moved in to his parents house last week and has been sleeping at OW's for the past week because her H is out of town. Many times I was going to go and check my suspicion by driving by her house, but I decided I wasn't going to because this weekend he would have to decide either way since her H comes home tomorrow and he had to move out.

My instincts are also telling me he went to North Carolina with OW and not for a funeral, but to look at a new job. It is weird to say he didn't know if he would be back either Sunday or Monday. I am sure the funeral has already been arranged if he is going down this weekend, and it is just strange that he won't leave work early to celebrate S learning to go on the potty (huge toddler hurdle), but he would miss an extra day of work right before being gone for two more days at a conference for a funeral of someone he never talked to at all in four years and never mentioned once to me. There are a few band guy friends that I know, but I have never heard this guy's name. I really feel he is going down to look for a job. He always said if we got divorced he would move away and just "disappear". I am figuring this is him doing that.

I will definitely go with my instincts. My instincts were telling me that he wouldn't come home and he would try to make this extend, but I am not going to let it. He isn't going to stop the EAs because he doesn't feel he is doing anything wrong. He doesn't want to let me go, but unlike the other times I have tried to break up with him and failed, I have a S who I need to make sure he learns how to correctly have a relationship and H is not showing that. It might be one thing if he was making improvements, but the text last week shows he hasn't thought about anything, and to honestly "live one day at a time" when you have no idea when you come back where you are going to stay...it is just immature. What is he going to do? Come back and just say mom and dad I need to crash here because I still don't know what to do? And what kind of parents are they to say, "sure you can stay here." after him leaving me and S in limbo for a full year and them knowing, but denying he is having an affair?

I know I am doing a lot of venting. I keep having emotional roller coasters because although I know this is the best thing for me and S because we deserve someone who is going to make us the number 1 priority, especially S which is what kills me the most. So many fathers on here talk about how they want to spend more time with their children, and S is lucky to see H once a week. H didn't even stop by before he left, and probably wouldn't have even told me he was going so now it is over a week since he has seen S and over a month since he has really spent time with S. I know this is the right thing because I set an ultimatum and I need to follow through, maybe this will shake him and being with his successful ND friends (if he is with them), will make him realize what he is giving up, but if not I have to let him go, which is hard because he has been a huge part of my life, but I deserve better.