My MLC Story

[ddstartingover]

I am in the exact same poition. My H has decided that D is what he wants----and that in that case I have to agree. He also has suggested that if I don't give him the D (quick, easy, "agreed to") that he wants that I will only be dragging our kids through court and making things difficult for THEM. He told me to get a lawyer----and said that by doing this HE was initiating the divorce (because I told him that I would not initiate something that I believed to be wrong). I did get a L. I made it clear that she is to represent me and my interests. My H is a L----he says that he will represent himself, I KNOW because he thinks my L will do it all and he only has to sign the final decree----of what we BOTH want. At this point my H does not know that my L will not do this for him. I did give him her name. He has made contact----asked "what do you need from me?" She replied and asked "how do you see this proceeding?"........he has not responded.

I did not get a L to take him for all he has. I did not get a L to fight this tooth and nail and drag our kids through a messy divorce. I got a L because I cannot handle what all of this means and will mean for my future----I am still very emotional about all of this and do not think that we should be in this position. I need someone that is in my court, objective and will think about the future when I can only think about things from minute to minute. I don't think it is in my best interest to have my L file HIS divorce, and I worry that some day down the road he will feel like he has been "taken" and I don't want to deal with that. (My H is a L, but not a family L----and has no experience with divorce.)

I know he will be angry when he learns that she won't do the work for HIM, but at this point I don't care. I have to protect myself and my future and my kids----you have to protect you and your future. In my opinion (granted there are people out there that know WAY more about this than I do), I don't think you need to tell him you are getting a L at all. My L explained to me that even the simplest, non-confrontational divorces begin with one party filing. I assume your H will file with the help of the L that he has used in the past----and at that point your L can step in, or you could have your L contact his L so the L knows you have representation. This does NOT have to happen the way your H wants it to. This is DIVORCE----you don't have to worry about making him happy at this point (boy do I need to drive that into my head!).

I have made it clear to my L that I will not be filing. At some point my H will learn that and file on his own, and my L will go to work. You do not have to do this his way. In the end, you have to be at peace with yourself and know that you handled this the best way for you, and at some point your H will either accept the fact that you needed to look out for yourself, or he won't-----but the only thing that matters is how you feel.