The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

DB Friends,
My W has been working on a decluttering the basement project this week. She has hired an unemployed friend to carry out items to the garage and curb for pick-up. The basement has become a storage area.

She's been talking about quitting smoking again. She made a commitment to quit this week, but looks like she didn't follow thru.

She and I attended the first night of our Hustle Formation team. She seemed to enjoy herself, and has been practicing the routine ever since. I've also joined her in trying to piece together the introduction to the routine. The song is from the movie Saturday Night Fever, and the moves have a John Travolta look to them. This will be a stretch for me, but I'm willing to try. The people on the team are our age, so it's a safe environment to practice letting go of inhibitions.

On the way out the door last night to go dancing, she yelled at me for having the stereo in CD mode, when she wanted to use it in Ipod mode. I lost my temper at her rudeness, and threw down my keys and dance bag. She stated that she doesn't have enough control in her life and needs more space of her own. She also wants me to take more initiative in cleaning, instead of having to be asked. She wants me to ask to sleep in HER bedroom, instead of just showing up.

I let her go to the dance venue by herself, and decided to stay home that night, even though I was missing out. I didn't want to bring negative energy to a public venue. I'm guessing she's worried about possible unemployment in several months, as her agency is waiting for a contract renewal from the state. She's also frustrated about not yet quitting smoking. Anything else lurking in her mind is a mystery to me.

I made the mistake one night during the week while dancing Samba with her of advising that she take a private lesson on the basic step. It was well intentioned but ill-timed. I've progressed further in ballroom than she has, so know what she still needs to learn. She took my comment as a criticism. I lapsed into being controlling in guiding her dance progress, and will pay some consequences for that comment.

I'll continue my centering and recreational activities to keep a healthy distance from her and keep the positives in my life. I'll make adjustments and try to meet her stated expectations, with the idea that I will fall short from time to time. I've told that I will treat her as a parent making a child go to school regarding the Hustle team. She made a commitment with that and will keep it. Beyond that, she can be involved in ballroom dancing to the extent she wants.

CL