flo, It is self soothing. My greatest fear is of settling. Of staying due to fear of being alone, of wishing familiar situations not satisfying ones... My fear is the one of waking up in 10 years and thinking WTH have I done TO my life?
I am giving a way out to myself, an exit, I am telling myself "it will be ok, no matter what happens..."
Sometimes, I still want to escape. Especially when something triggers negative thoughts or when we talk about the past, holidays during the A or before, trips we had taken etc etc. I keep telling myself: "If I want to escape from this M, I can". And that usually, soothes me.
Originally Posted By: MicheleLT
So nice to see you two building good memories and good connections.
?????
UH...let's keep two feet on the ground here. I definitely think Kalni is in a better place than a month or two ago, but........let's just keep on supporting her with open eyes. One thing is clear: Kalni is working very hard to overcome tremendous hurt and betrayal. We can see she wants this. She has worked thru more than any member I've seen here in awhile.
Sagapo and yiassou Kalni. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
fb2, imagine the most painful "location" someone can "pierce". That's what I am doing...
FIB, Michelle is right.We are building up good...things. Not as I expected to, not as fast as I would like to do it, but lately, we do just that.
I have been "lucky" with one thing. H is one of the WASs here that was very dishonest, very very hurtful (regarding the A) but due to his character, never pushed for the divorce giving me... time to proceed with my head instead of acting on impulse. I never had to REACT to him bullying me or pressuring me. Many people here, face spouses that are much more determined to proceed with the D. As flo said, he never cut off "contact".
fb2, imagine the most painful "location" someone can "pierce". That's what I am doing...
Let us now how that works out for you
Originally Posted By: Kalni
FIB, Michelle is right.We are building up good...things. Not as I expected to, not as fast as I would like to do it, but lately, we do just that.
I guess that gives you time to practice the awesome self-soothing that you've been working on
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
OK Kalni..I see things clearer. I will follow along. I think it's best then that I stop posting any comments for now. Hugs. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB, that was uncalled for. The only reason I let you off the hook is because the trial starts today... That's a good enough reason. Good Luck my friend!
Hi girls!! The weekend was ok. I went thru another phase in my head, still facing it. Things look so normal, H is SOOO present in the house, that I find myself getting angry because in/at the "line" of our life there is HUGE break/gap because of his actions. I dont know how to explain it in English. I am watching him in the house and think "it feels as he never left WTF did we all have to go through hell to be here again? Why couldnt he control his little head, his limerence feelings from building up (because he WAS VERY VERY much in love with her), why the hell did he get to live a romance so strong and wait it out, see if it would last or no, to decide if I were good enough?
NOT very productive line of thinking, I know. I guess spending normal family time with him last week and this weekend triggered a lot of things. Especially on Sun morning when we went to one of his friends' house for lunch. Many co workers of his there and I kept wondering if they knew he had an affair, if they see me and think "poor woman, she must be desperate to accept him back". My pride is making me suffer...
As a result, I withdrew, was silent and looked sad I think. he did ask me several times what was wrong but I couldnt get myself to talk to him. I decided I would wait.
I have to confess, although I know now is not the right timing, I do need to have some talks about her in the future. Not her, their A. If he thought of me at all, how it felt to be lying, how he feels now telling my son not to lie, how they broke it off, how I am wondering if he came back to me "to die emotionally", if he thinks there is no way to have passion and feeling with me that he had with her... What the hell did he see in her? If he understands the loop he jumped into, how things escalated etc etc. I want to have normal discussion about everything. Not about the Mundial 2010 John... K
Let us now how that works out for you 
