MLC - standing by my man

[Grace_O]

Mila,

I get it.

We are the same age and I have D17 and D15 that live with me 24/7.

I have been doing temp work for almost 2 years. I don't have all of the time I would like with my D's and are their issues behind all of this mess? Yes, theirs, mine, their Dad's. All of it sux.

I had to get to a point (in my own head) where I was truly looking out for myself and my D's without thinking about what was going on with him and if he was coming back or what.

It's hard to start over. I can think of almost anything else I would have rather done. I haven't always done it well, but I have managed.

You have the added bonus of having him as a business partner. That's really tough. Esp since he seems to be flaking out.

I like what Lostforwords had to say about plan D. I know how hard it is to focus on all of this when certain thoughts crowd out others in your head.

I have taken up different activities in the last few years that help me clear my head and think. Does it always work in times of high stress? No, but it always helps.

HUGS

[Mila]

Love your reply lostforwords. Sorry I took little bit of time to reply, but I was thinking about it.

Agree that my "options" are 100% reactive, that was an excellent observation (I'm so lucky to have people like you to see things I don't)

To clarify our roles in the business. WH is the core of the business he has the "know how" and he deals with the clients and all of our subcontractors, he is the project manager and basically the key man.

I'm the administrative and business end of it. Practically speaking I'm the more replaceable one. He could replace me easier then I could replace him. However he trusts me and relys on me for everything regarding business administration. He doesn't even know how to properly read financial statements or negotiate a loan, so it would be very difficult for him to oversee someone else doing my part.

To some degree I already started implementing some of the ideas you are suggesting. In the past my WH was networking and promoting our business within his business circle and it worked in good economy, we got most of our business through referrals. (He pretty much stopped actively doing that in the past year)

In addition we of course use on-line marketing, you get response but it hasn't been that successful in terms of quality leads that we actually close.

So to respond to your question "Is it conceivable for you to start marketing new clients yourself more aggressively?" That's what we agreed on doing, contacting old clients asking for referrals and cold-calling and networking.

However he is not doing it - it seems to me that he expects me to do that part all by myself on the top of my regular job. Right now we can't afford to hire anyone to help with that. And since we don't have that much work he could certainly be doing some of it if he wasn't "busy" with OW.

So yes I could keep things as they are (option 1) for a while and increase my efforts in getting more business by myself.

The hardest part is that I don't feel that we are working as a team. So OK I will cold-call and get clients interested in talking with us and I will set-up an appointment for WH to see them. I don't even know when he is in town, he doesn't bother to tell me. His reliability is the issue here I think.

Sorry this reply is getting too long for anyone to read it, I guess I'm just processing the issues as I write.

Lostforwords thanks so much for helping me see different options, It really helps so much to have feedback.

[Mila]

I hear what you're saying Jack. If worst comes to worst and I have to go that route I just have to try my best to be the best mom I can be under the circumstances. Who needs sleep, right? Thanks Jack

[Mila]

Grace, that must have been so tough alone with 2 girls. You bet that it sux. But as you said you got through it and no matter what life will serve me I will have to go through it as well.

My WH told me on numerous occasions that he will not abandon us that financially everything will remain the same, not to worry. And he is as you said already "flaking out".

"Hope for the best but prepare for the worst" - that is my motto now

[Mila]

So I feel pretty low right now, it's Saturday, I've been working on business accounting all day while my WH is having fun with OW. I'm all by myself, didn't make any plans for tonight knowing that I have to catch up with work. My D16 is going bowling with her friends. We used to love to go bowling as a family when she was smaller...now I'm not needed. My daughter doesn't need me... my WH doesn't need me...this is hard. My friends have their own family plans for the weekend...I need more single/divorced friends I'm sick and tired of being alone.

OK I'm having my own little pity party.

[Grace_O]

If you need to talk, you know where to find me...

[Mila]

Thanks Grace, It's comforting to know that you are there for me I'm OK now, had a long cry and picked my self up again.

[iluvme55]

I just read your story and pretty much everythong he said to you my husband said to me.......amazing how they all say the same thing....I think there must be a book out there they all buy to read out of when we get the talk........sorry to see you in here.....:(

[Mila]

Hi IRMAC, I've noticed that with other people's posts as well, there are so many similarities with our MLC's it's truly scary. The same reaction, same lies, same same same.... Abducted and controlled by aliens? LOL

[Mila]

Had to send WH an email to change our Monday morning business meeting to the afternoon. (I have a doctor's appointment). As I've already mentioned he told me before he left that he'll be back on Friday. Later I found out from my Daughter that he told her that he'll be back on Sunday or Monday. Well he replied to my e-mail saying that he can't make the meeting on Monday because he's not coming back until Tuesday and included excuses and justifications why (only bought a one way ticket and can't get a cheep flight back until Tuesday....)

When was he planning to tell me that he won't be there for the meeting? If I didn't ask to change the time he wouldn't even tell me? Yet again I have to ask myself how can we run this business together when he is so unreliable.

I was boiling. But I remembered my last angry email to him that I regretted sending, so I went to cool-off before replying. I think that I did well I just said:

"I understand, let me know when it's convenient for you"

So far no reply...