OK I did it...my voice was shaking! He was feeding S before leaving and I started doing dishes. I started off by saying "you know the other day when I was crying I didn't tell you all the truth about why and it's been bugging me." I look up and he has fully turned to look at me and give me his complete attention.
"So first of all, just our family situation is sad. It just is. But this last week has been so emotional..I didn't want to say anything to you at the time but it really hit me that there was a possibility you could permanently not be here! I just never thought of that before! That you wouldn't be here for S or see him grow up but I know you must have been thinking that.
And then when you mention me going back to work and how we will have to take turns seeing S it's just hard. You know I don't want that anyway...but I mean we each will only get to know half of his life. So I just try not to think that far ahead and just appreciate each week. Anyway, so those are the reasons why I was crying."
Silence. Then "Yeah I know there are still things we need to talk about and figure out and it's hard......pause. But I want youto know that if anything were to happen to me, I have life insurance and left to you and S to take care of the house and put some aside for his college or whatever." So I said "ok let's not talk too much more about this! It's too morbid! BUt thanks!" and then lightened the mood a little, changed the subject (SMOOTHLY I MIGHT ADD, thank you very much!) and there was actually a pleasant feeling in the air (not tension)by the time he took S.
I feel a sense of relief. If I never cried like that then I wouldn't be bringing this up but I also wouldn't have been going NC...so this is SOMETHING. I think I said some things he has been thinking. And let him know I care. I can move on if forced to(he is observing that) but I still don't want to.
HEY I DID NOT LET FEAR CONTROL MY DECISION!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I'm with WhatNow, it's hard to interpret what he said. I didn't like how he followed it up with business stuff (insurance, etc,) -- distancing.
(((newmama))) I really feel for you being in limbo like this.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Honey, I feel every emotion for you w/this situation. Seriously. And, I think that's why it's hard to post to you ABOUT your situation. There is no RIGHT answer to this. There is no RIGHT way to act.
I think you'll know when you're done, if that time comes.
I also think you are hanging on for a very important reason.
But, just for the record, he's really f'ing starting to piss me off.
He is cake - eating to the BAZILLIONTH power. And, frankly, he's just not cute enough. You are an amazing woman. You have the most darling little boy. You have a heart that could love an entire city. And, it he doesn't get off the pot soon, he will have a blondie there to kick his as#!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
"He is cake - eating to the BAZILLIONTH power. And, frankly, he's just not cute enough."
^^agree!!
NM,
Go back and read "Why Men Love Bitches." I got that book after it was mentioned on your thread and it has changed my outlook on things. You are showing that you are the unconditional love for your husband but it is also the type of love that is similar to a mother's love. You don't want your husband to start having the type of love for you that he has for his mother. You are the BETTER OPTION!! No need to try to convince him anymore of that. Now you need to show him and yourself most importantly that you know YOUR WORTH. You know YOUR VALUE and you respect yourself enough to not be a standby. You are smart, funny, beautiful, a wonderful wife and mother. You are not a standby.
I admired how you handled your stitch especially in the very beginning when you kicked him out. I also admired how you are able to remain calm and control your emotions around him doing Plan A and semi-Plan B(I do not have that type of discipline). Don't loose who you are to win husband back. You are more than enough.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
NewMama-- For what it's worth, I think you're amazing! You're putting it all out there, not playing games or trying to come out ahead. You're trying to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!!! Your WH's thoughts are changing just as quickly as yours are! I think your instinct is spot-on. And I think your attitude is incredible!!!! I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't post, so I'll take the liberty of responding for all of us (yikes!) - thank you for being the best inspiration ever! Please just keep doing what you're doing!!!!
I'm sending the best thoughts and luck your way!!!!!!!!!!
