I LOVE the "bitch" books. Love love love them. Not that they are a mantra for me, but they are just so useful in terms of general knowledge to have when you are navigating through a romantic relationship...of course for some people, the books will help in their daily life too, but as you describe, you are assertive in other areas of your life so you basically just need them in your romantic life.
You have asked rhetorically, how do you develop those skills?
I have some suggestions...these may or may not resonate with you, but I double dog dare you to try them! :0)
One suggestion is very simple: face yourself in the mirror daily in the morning, and tell yourself (outloud if you dare, silently if you don't want D to hear you) that you are THE BOMB, that you are worthy of love, that God loves you and you will one day make a man who loves you very very happy, that you are attractive inside and out, and that you will no longer accept less than all you deserve!
Do this everyday of your life, whether you are in a relationship or not!
It sounds corny, but it is inner self-worth building that you need to do. To be a bitch as described in the book, YOU have to know YOUR WORTH before anyone else can know it. One day, after doing this type of exercise for many many days, it will actually ring true to you. You'll be having a good hair day and having something to look forward to that day, you will be greeting the day in anticipation, and when you do the exercise, you'll actually believe it! Then you'll flip your hair and give yourself a cocky-flirty smile, and you'll suddenly see an amazingly beautiful woman shining back at you...even if only for a moment at first. You'll just have to trust me that this actually works. I've coached several girlfriends who needed a little bitch in their step with this practice, and they have all told me (after doing it for several days, weeks, even months) that eventually, they saw that gorgeous bitch in the mirror for a moment. From there, you can build on it.
A lot of women feel conceded to act as if they love themselves or feel beautiful. We seem to be taught to ignore our own beauty and to make sure that we come across as humble about it. And again, I'm not just talking about outer beauty but also inner beauty. But I think this is a load of crap. You can be humble while still feeling beautiful! You can speak privately to your own image in the mirror about this without ever even hinting to the world that you feel you are beautiful, so therefore, how can it be conceded? God wants you to love yourself. Any moment that you are mentally berating yourself in your mind (why am I so this or that, why can't I do anything right, etc), you are going against what God believes about you. In effect, he hears you and would say to you if you would listen "stop insulting my perfect child!"
Here's another suggestion...
Throw out all your granny panties and go buy some cute new ones! I mean this seriously. I know $$ is an issue for you, but do it incrementally if you have to. Spend at least $5 per pair. Buy 1 - 2 pairs every paycheck, and throw out 2 - 3 each time. If you already have some cute ones, great...keep them, but if they even have a little bit of worn out elastic or a little snag in them, toss 'em out. They are not worthy to be next to your body.
This isn't about anyone else. Its not about lingerie. Its about YOU treating YOURSELF in a very private and personally intimate way as if you are a beautiful woman. Put beautiful private things on your body that only you know about, and you'll have this great secret under your clothes every day. They don't have to be sexy, just pretty and whatever makes you feel happy. And NEW, they have to be NEW. OLD PANTIES gotta go...no self-respecting bitch will keep panties in her drawer that are pathetically worn out. Maybe you already do this exercise, don't be insulted if you already have high panty standards, LOL! I've just found that many moms don't bother with their own panty drawer much, so I'm making an assumption.
And finally one last suggestion...
Read an empowering book about a bitchy woman who inspires you. Go to the library and pick one deliberately to inspire you. This is all about you, so no suggestions from me. It can be fiction or non-fiction, romantic or not. But it has to be about a woman you admire and who you can mentally begin to model. By reading about her you can begin to pick up little hints and clues as to who she is inside and how she is able to pull off bitch-ness. Get inside her head and carry her thoughts around with you daily while you are reading it. Even if she has a tragic life or end to her life, as long as it is a woman you admire, it will be good for the exercise. Even bitches have tragedy, and avoiding tragedy is not the goal of a bitch...so if its a horribly tragic story of a wonderfully bitchy woman, that works just as well as a happy ending.
For those of you who don't know about the bitch books, please don't think I'm using the word in the usual sense. In the books, bitch is an acronym for babe.in.total.control.of.herself.
Hope you can actually try these suggestions. They are baby steps, but I promise you...from a somewhat naturally bitchy woman, I know how to do it, and have helped a few others become it. It will take years, there are no shortcuts. But it can work if you really want it. I can actually see you turning a corner already just by the things you are writing lately....
