wow. H called me and we had a very interesting conversation. It was kind of all over the place so be patient with me as I try to make this coherent.
He spoke about if we were going to patch things up..we need to look forward and not look behind. I told him that we would have to figure out the reasons for his A... I don't want the gory details..but we would need to figure out what caused him to do that. He brought up sex addiction...I asked him why he would think that. He watched something on Larry King last night and he said some of it sounded like him. No concern for others, reckless behavior etc. I asked him if he thought he had a sex addiction. He said no. OK?
I told him what the MC said about rebelling. He always did the right thing or tried to do the right thing. He then said the following..and I am just going to number them. In no particular order..because my head is spinning.
1) He has ended the A and has figured out how to do that. He has made a choice and has and will stick to it 2) He is unhappy in his life and he has no idea what is causing it..career, job, house, marriage etc. 3) He realizes that he really never has been happy but doesn't know what to do about it..asked me for suggestions on what would make him happy 4) He lacks empathy and doesn't feel things for other people like he should. He is completely selfish and he cannot help it. Told me how great I have treated him and he was never able to treat me the way that I should be treated 5) He is debating on just letting me go so that I can get the love I deserve because he does not believe he is capable of giving what is needed in a relationship to anyone.. 6) Him not being able to give himself to anyone or love completely is innate.. He has always felt that way and thinks perhaps that he is better off just staying away from people in general. Doesn't think there is anything to fix that. 7) He hates that he is so miserable but does not see an answer for making it better..again looking for suggestions 8) He doesn't understand how he could have done any of this to someone he loves 9) He think that he doesn't need to see his therapist anymore..he is done with his self destructiveness and just needs to start making some decisions 10) I told him that his depression is not due to external things..that it is internal..I didn't know how to explain this very well..so any suggestions would help please!! 11) He doesn't think about other people..can only think of himself (same as selfish but stated separately) 12) Wants MC to teach us how to piece things together going forward..doesnt want to dwell on the past 13) Doesn't know if he can live a conventional life 14) Doesn't think he ever really made me happy (although I told him that was untrue)
He got off the phone saying he cannot talk anymore about this for tonight but wants to come by tomorrow. What do I make of all this?
It was a call of mixed messages..I am just disturbed.
