Running out of time.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. You are in trouble. That mediator did not do you a favor. It's going to be very hard to turn down $2,300 a month.

In my case, my W makes more than me and said she didn't need much from in child support and agreed with joint physical custody -- until she saw her lawyer.

Then her verbal agreement was out the window and in her petition she's going for sole custody with me getting "visitation."

So beware.

[dwinter82]

I agree with CTH, you should have slugged the mediator in the gut before he had a chance to calculate that number...That's insane!! As a contingency, maybe you should come up with a "justifiable" number (keep it to yourself) just in case the W changes her tune.

In my case, my W makes more money than I and will be paying me child support (only a couple hundred bucks). I hate taking her money but I have the kids more often so I felt like at least in the short term it was/is the fair thing to do. We both have high salaries so I think she resents the fact she has to do this...Oh, well.

[C-Bart]

Yes. You are in trouble. That mediator did not do you a favor. It's going to be very hard to turn down $2,300 a month.

In my case, my W makes more than me and said she didn't need much from in child support and agreed with joint physical custody -- until she saw her lawyer.

Then her verbal agreement was out the window and in her petition she's going for sole custody with me getting "visitation."

So beware.

CTH,
Play things cool when looking at the initial petition. That sounds like a standard negotiation tactic. You'll get a chance to counter with a more reasonable arrangement. Remember you have the precedence set for who is spending time with the girls. Make sure you remain engaged, as I'm sure you will, in case this makes it to court (most don't). Just like you have been doing, know their teachers, coaches friends, etc. Pick up the extra time when you can.

CLV,
Bet you bought lost your lunch when the mediator threw that number out. Mediation is a good route to go. Glad you and your W were able to sit down and make the best out of a very stressful situation.

DW,
You win the lie of the day award :-) "I hate taking her money" Right. I believe you. If you want you can just send me the extra and I'll put it in the new boat for Bart fund. That way you won't feel too guilty as it will be for a good cause.

[Cie la vie]

CTH & DW,

Yes. You are in trouble. That mediator did not do you a favor. It's going to be very hard to turn down $2,300 a month.
I agree with CTH, you should have slugged the mediator in the gut before he had a chance to calculate that number...That's insane!!

Tell me about it. I was fuming but couldn't do anything about it. Now I am in nailing biting mode. My XW best friend of the last year who I refer to as Matrimonial Cancer will be all over her to bleed me. I gotta believe I'm going to get hit below the belt before this all said and done.

My XW has a job interview next week and I pray to God she lands the gig, this would hopefully take her mind off that number. But if there is still a disparity between our incomes (which is almost certain) I would still be on the hook for something.

[Cie la vie]

Bet you bought lost your lunch when the mediator threw that number out. Mediation is a good route to go. Glad you and your W were able to sit down and make the best out of a very stressful situation.

I hadn't eaten all day before the meeting so it would have been dry heaves.

I'm starting to get the feeling that the mediator is sympathizing with my XW position. Over the last couple of sessions he seems to be attempting to make a case for her on key issues. If he continues to display the Knight in Shining armor behavior I will call him on it. He is suppose to be neutral.

Lets review. W cheats on H, W loses job, W files, W cashes out 401k, W leases new car, W rubs A in H face, W moves out, did I mention W is unemployed, W cashes out IRA and W is entitled to support to the tune of $2,300.00/month from H.

That seems reasonable!

I should probably reserve this energy for later if the W decides to ask for the dough but I'm practicing.

[dwinter82]

Do you still have a kitchen sink in the house or did she cash that in too?. Sorry, I should not add fuel to the fire.

I am in the anger mode right now as well. I have been cycling through some negative thoughts today...not good and a complete waste of my energy.

I have to see the W in a few minutes for parent-teacher conferences. I am going to try really hard to smile and be a good boy.

[Cie la vie]

Not yet, give her time.

I may be overly demonizing my W at this point, don't get my wrong she has earned more than her fair share of it. But if I am to be honest I have thus far remained relatively unscathed during mediation.

If the issues negotiated to this point are not back traded on by my W and I am able to work out an advantageous arrangement with regard to the house I have nothing to complain about as far as the mediation is concerned.

I have my kids on a 50/50 basis, I'm not on the hook for support yet and I may end up staying in the family home and as a result providing my little ones with a familiar, stable and truly ideal environment for many years to come. If all of these things happen it will make moving on without the W a lot easier. Unfortunatly everything hinges on her and what she wants.

Like you I cycle through a myriad of negative thougths that I am getting better at controlling, of course that control can be derailed by the decisions and actions of my W. I look forward to the day when her presents in my life and it's affect on it are negligible.

I have to see the W in a few minutes for parent-teacher conferences. I am going to try really hard to smile and be a good boy.

Make it a challenge to yourself to come across happy, confident and as friendly as possible so it seems natural. You'll feel better as a result. Good luck at the conference.

[Cie la vie]

It has been a while since I last posted but there has been some new developments in my sitch.

OM1 is now out of the picture and OM2 is in the drivers seat. During my last mediation session my STBX was compelled to inform me that she would be out of town this weekend. It wasn't anything I needed to know and I'm not sure if she was just trying to be courteous or twisting the knife. Probably a bit of both. She also broke the communication silence with me me via a text message on Tues. that was centered around the children, however, she again felt compelled to remind me she was going out of town for the weekend. I'm leaning toward this as knife twisting.

Prior to her moving out I through my snooping uncovered the rapidly evolving relationship with OM2. I also determined he was new to my city and recently from St. Louis. This has now been confirmed (facebook)as my STBX is in fact heading to St. Louis.

It is abundantly clear that she is wasting no time in offering herself up to OM. This has been quite an eye opener. By all accounts these are one call closes for the OM. I'm curious as to what others make of this behavior. Are these the actions of someone who is desperate or of someone who has just moved on or some other psychology? Any and all takes on this are welcome.

Other than this disturbing information that isn't really a surprise I have been doing quite well. I have maintained a NC policy and have not wavered. I will however need to break the silence next week to discuss how we intend to handle our home and to get the ball rolling on our taxes (I will do this through email). We also need to pay a deposit on the next school year for the kids.

My focus at work has improved dramatically in recent weeks and I am in a much better frame of mind than I have been in months. I attribute this to NC and being generally in the dark as to what she is doing. Now if I can keep from popping into her facebook. I also have moved to the mindset that I am divorced and this has effectively eliminated the stress associated with the D being offically final at some point in time. It does no good to dwell on a particular date.

This isn't to say that I have written our M off and I am no longer DBing but the reality is that my DBing efforts are all centered on improving me and my life and focusing on the kids. On the rare occasion that I do have contact with the STBX I am pleasant and act as if. The acting as if is become less acting and more the real deal daily. The STBX is almost "off belay".

There has been one other interesting development since I last posted as well. My SIL dropped a me a call this week to see how I was doing. I was pleasantly surprised. There were no revelations and the conversation was nice and uneventful. She wanted me to know that I was always welcome to drop in. It is also clear that there is a fear that contacting me will push my STBX away from her and I assured the SIL that I wouldn't mention to my STBX that we spoke.

The kids are with me this weekend and I am looking forward to our time together. The weather will be in the 70's so outdoor activities are in order.

[C-Bart]

First let me say I'm not OM2 even though I live in STL. Might check with DW as he does as well. JK.

The part of your post that struck me was the one call closes. This is exactly the same behavior as my W. She seems to think that this is normal behavior. I can't help but think this is MLC related. Something to do with feeling desired.

Keep up the good work on the self work.

[Cie la vie]

C-Bart,

I wondered if what part of MO you were from after figuring out where OM2 lived. I'll have to have a word with DW:)

I can't help but think this is MLC related. Something to do with feeling desired.

There are two woman that I have confided in since this saga began and they basically said the same thing you have. Getting attention from us isn't good enough they need to be desired by others. It is so weak. I do believe my STBX is in a MLC but it is more complicated than that as well. Who knows.

If you see my W tell her I say hi. Have a good weekend.